Simple and Clean
by darkest demon child
Summary: COMPLETE! It's Harry and Draco's 7th year at Hogwarts, and they're beginning to realize that they may not hate each other as much as they once believed. SLASH! HPDM
1. Shocking Train Trip

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Harry Potter characters, as they belong to J.K. Rowling. I do however own the two Ocs in this fic. Woohoo go me. Also, the opening lyrics do not belong to me. None of them.  
  
Author's Note: It's Harry's final year at Hogwarts and everyone is trying to continue on with their lives after the recent death of Voldemort. Whoever, everyone is also in for a few more surprises before they graduate, especially when Harry finds himself dangerously attracted to his childhood nemesis while being voted Most Attractive Boy in Hogwarts, Hermione and Ron elope, and a vampire arrives to be the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher! WARNING! Contains slash. Lots of slash, especially in later chapters. Mu ha ha ha.  
  
::bla bla bla:: thoughts  
  
:::bla bla bla::: song lyrics  
  
:::You're giving me too many things:::  
  
:::Lately you're all I need:::  
  
:::You smiled at me and said,:::  
  
:::Don't get me wrong I love you:::  
  
:::But does that mean I have to meet your father?:::  
  
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Draco Malfoy felt like shit. There was no other way to describe it. Here he was, a seventeen-year old boy who was the heir to one of the wealthiest families in the Magic world, and could have any witch or wizard for his own perverse pleasures, but what was he doing? Sitting in a train compartment listening to his "friends" talking about their summers. Looking out the window of the Hogwarts Express while munching on a chocolate frog he sighed inwardly. ::This is so boring, why am I even here? I think I'll go out into the corridor for a quick "walk". Also known as my yearly train taunting of Potter. Mu ha ha ha. I love being evil.::  
  
Smirking, he stood and moved past his fellow Slytherins to the door. Ignoring their complaints completely he opened the sliding door and walked into the corridor. Brushing past a couple of Hufflepuff third years who were in his way while casting them his death-promising glare, Draco walked calmly towards the back of the train. Otherwise designated as "Harry Potter and Friends Territory." ::I mean really. They might as well put up a sign saying "Gryffindor Section."::  
  
Sure enough, in the second to last compartment on the left hand side of the train the blonde's sensitive ears could pick out the sound of laughter that only came from one wizard at Hogwarts. Ron Weasley. And where the was the Weasel, there was the Wonder Boy, also known as Draco's Prey. Smirk widening, he strolled over towards the door and was about to pull open the door dramatically when what he saw in the window stopped in dead in his tracts. (a/n: You know how the train in the movies have those little windows on the doors so you can see inside the compartments? That's what Draco's looking through.)  
  
Sitting in exactly the same seat as he had been, was his child hood rival, except he wasn't paying attention to his friends. In fact, Harry looked like he was in much of the same predicament that Draco himself had been in only moments before. ::Wow, who would have known that Wonder Boy would tire of his beloved friends. Sucks for him. He should have been friends with ME! He gets what he deserves. Stupid git.::  
  
Draco's thoughts were interrupted when Harry himself turned his emerald eyes from the window to look directly into his silver ones. Both boys raised their eyebrows while looking at one another through the glass before the blond raised his hand in a "come here" gesture. Looking somewhat suspicious, Harry got up from his seat and walked to the door, making excuses to his friends that were muted to Draco. Stepping away quickly from the door as it slid open so that he was not revealed to the Gryffindors, the Slytherin leaned casually against the wall as he waited for Harry to close the door shut again. ::He he he, that was easy. Now, to get to the fun part.::  
  
Harry frowned as he also moved away from the door to stand directly in front of Draco, giving the blond a good view of him. And what a view that was! Silver eyes widened momentarily as Draco took in the sight of the boy before him. Harry was now about an inch taller than himself, with a light tan spreading across his face and his arms, which were well muscled. ::Wow...he's grown. He's kinda hot too. Ah! What am I thinking?! Draco mentally slapped himself. This is Harry Potter!! The Boy-Who-Lived! The Vanquisher of the Dark Lord! The reason Dad is in Azkaban! Wait, no, that's a good thing. And who would have thought that the gangly Wonder Boy could turn into the ultimate Sex God! He's absolutely drool-able!::  
  
The Slytherin's thoughts were once again interrupted by Harry as he loudly cleared his throat. "See something you like Malfoy?" he asked sarcastically as he practically spit out the boy's surname.  
  
Draco snorted. "You wish Potter. You should be more grateful, you know. I could have humiliated you in front of your precious friends, but I chose not to."  
  
"Oh, how kind of you Malfoy. I am forever in your debt," said Harry, his voice dripping in sarcasm.  
  
"Yes, I thought it was a merciful move on my part as well," replied Draco smoothly, trying to not sound fazed by the animosity between the two of them. ::How come we hate each other again? He's so shag-alisous, why can't we just be friends so I can get him alone? Gah! Bad brain! No more bad thoughts!::  
  
"Your definition of mercy is warped, Malfoy. Listen, if the reason why you called me out here was to brag about how merciful you are, I might as well go back inside," said Harry while turning his back to Draco and walking back towards his compartment.  
  
"No! Wait, I mean...that's not why I asked you to come out here," stuttered the confused blond.  
  
Harry raised his eyebrow as he turned back around to face Draco once again.  
  
Draco blushed lightly. "What I meant to say earlier is, how about we not try to kill each other every other day this year. It's very childish and pointless, and we really should try to put the past behind us, you know? Voldemort is gone, and there's no reason why we can't be friends." ::Oh my God I just asked Harry Potter to be my friend. Dad's gonna kill me when he finds out. That is, if he can get past the crazy, soul-sucking Dementors.::  
  
Harry's eyebrow went up even higher at this, before smiling. "Sure, why not. Just as long as you don't diss my friends at every turn. You don't piss us off, and we won't piss you off."  
  
Draco smiled back. "Deal."  
  
Nodding slowly, Harry continued. "Well, I think I'm being missed, so I'd better get back. See you at the Feast."  
  
"Ok," Draco replied before both walked back to their individual compartments.  
  
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An hour later found both boys sitting at different House tables in the Great Hall, clapping politely as the Sorting Hat dispersed the new first years into the four different school Houses, and listened patiently to Dumbledore give his annual welcoming speech to his students.  
  
During this speech, a certain blond Slytherin couldn't help but notice that Wonder Boy wasn't paying attention to the speech either. ::Well, that's a first. You'd think he would hang onto every word the crazy old man said and treasure them for the rest of his life. But then again, I'd have never guessed that he'd be so damn sexy. Gah! Bad thoughts! Go away!::  
  
Being the curious little rich boy that he was, Draco followed Harry's gaze to the empty seat at the Head table. ::Hmph. Guess the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher is late. Either that or they skipped town. Ha, that's a laugh. If...::  
  
A sudden boom echoed throughout the Great Hall, interrupting the Slytherin's thoughts.  
  
::Ok that's just plain rude. Some people are trying to insult people in their minds here!:: Draco grumbled in his head while turning in his seat to see the cause of the commotion.  
  
What he saw made him raise his eyebrows in surprise while every girl in this school came dangerously close to fainting, the boys hardly able to keep their saliva in their mouths.  
  
Blaise Zabini, one of Draco's closer friends, was probably the worst of the group. "D...daaammnnn!"  
  
Draco rolled his eyes at his friend and turned back to the new guests. While the two strangers made their way up to the Head Table, Draco took in their appearances. The man appeared to be Asian, either Chinese or Japanese, though he was almost unearthly pale, with obviously dyed reddish- brown hair that stuck out in every direction. ::Kind of like Harry's hair, except not as silky. GAH! Brain, put a freed house elf's sock in it!!::  
  
Walking next to him was a girl who was obviously not Asian, as she had natural long brown hair which seemed to change to red depending on the light, with blond highlights in the front. Her deep blue eyes seemed to glisten in the light of the full moon that shone in through the enchanted Great Hall ceiling, giving her a very magical look. ::Well, she is a witch. Damn, I sound stupid in my HEAD! This sucks.::  
  
Looking back again at all his classmates, he saw that they were still acting like they had been force fed several quarts of a powerful love potion. ::What's the big deal? Its just an Asian guy and a girl. Though they are pretty good looking. But Harry's hotter. No!!! Not again!!!! Urgh, bad brain! No thinking about Harry like that! Wait, since when do I call Harry by his first name? Ah! I did it again!::  
  
The blond was once again snapped out of his inner argument with his brain, this time by Dumbledore's booming voice. "Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to take this time to introduce your new Defense Against The Dark Arts teacher and his assistant, Kami Kanno and Topaz Talers."  
  
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Author's Note: Sorry if this chapter seems kinda stupid, I promise I'll try to make my story more creative and interesting. This is after all my first harry potter fic, and I'm used to writing anime fics, to be perfectly honest, so this is completely new to me. So please review and tell me how you like Simple and Clean so far, and please please PLEASE tell me any suggestions that you have. And if you flame me just because this is a slash fic I'll laugh. I really will.  
  
The song lyrics in the beginning of this fic is from the song Simple and Clean by Utada Hikaru, the theme song for Kingdom Hearts. It's a very good song, and please feel free to ask for me to send it to you via AIM or E- mail. Ok, Ddc out! Please review! You know you wanna. 


	2. Draco, related to a brunette?

Disclaimer: I own NADA. He he, sorry, I'm on vacation right now at South Cal (sorry to everyone whose been missing me, I kinda forgot to tell you guys. Woops my bad.) and we're going down to Mexico, so my Spanish mode has kicked in. who would have thought that 3 years of spanish classes could be so unhelpful.

Author's Note: One thing. Air Bud; Golden Receiver is the weirdest movie I've ever seen in my life. Ok maybe that's a SLIGHT exaggeration, cus Hey Arnold was pretty weird, but it's still a close match. Oops, babbling again. Anyway, thank you to my reviewers for reviewing, I love you guys. Even if I kinda forced Nikki to review. Te he he he. Ok, that's enough of my babbling, time for me to start chapter 2 of Simple and Clean. Oh yeah, and yes this fic does contain Slash, not so much in the beginning but it will definitely pick up in later chapters.

_::bla bla bla::_ thoughts

:::**bla bla bla:::** song lyrics

##bla bla bla## japanese

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**:::When we are older you'll understand:::**

**:::What I meant when I said, **

**:::No,:::**

**:::I don't think life is quite that simple:::**

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The minute that he stepped off the Hogwarts Express Harry knew that this year was going to be different. ::_Of course it is you idiot. Draco Malfoy is being civil to you! It's the end of the world as we know it! They're having a blizzard in hell! You got contact lenses! Well, actually, that's possible. Bad analogy! Um...Hermione's hair is really a hedgehog in disguise! Wait, that's possible too. Argh, I give up. It's just gonna be different.::_

Speaking, or rather thinking, of the girl, Hermione nudged him sharply in his side at that moment. "Harry! Wake up, the Sorting Ceremony just ended. You could at least pretend you're paying attention, you know." _::Owwww that hurt! Man that girl has a hard elbow.::_

"Hey, hey, hey. I resent that. I've been clapping," retorted Harry, rather feebly. ::_Just like I resent the fact that Draco has gotten freaking hot over the summer. It makes hating him a lot harder. Ok, where the hell did that come from?!::_

"Yes, like you're the newest member of the living dead," replied Hermione while shaking head disapprovingly. "Where do you think the new Defense Against The Dark Arts teacher is?" she whispered to her friends as Dumbledore began his speech. ::_Oh yeah, change the subject once you've decided that insulting me has lost its touch, do you? Fine by me, I'll get to save my witty comebacks for Draco. Gotta work on my pick ups too. Tehehe I'm so cool. Wait, I'm not supposed to use pick ups on Draco! We're enemies! Ok, I'll just practice on him. Tehehe, still cool.::_

Ron and Harry shrugged. "Who knows? They always leave after a year anyway," stated Ron while zoning out. _::Ladies and gentleman, the human space boy, Ron Weasley!::_

Just then came the dramatic banging open of the Great Hall doors and the equally dramatic entrance of the mysterious duo. ::_Woah, where did they come from? That's like something out of a movie. Hey, they aren't half bad looking. Besides, that girl's smirk kinda looks like Draco's. Ok remind me again why my brain is rebelling against me and thinking about Draco? Bad brain! Behave! NOW!::_

Harry was able to pull himself out of his thoughts long enough to hear Dumbledore announce to Hogwarts that the strange Asian man and teenage girl were the new DADA teachers. ::_Um, ok then. Why is one of the teachers my age? That's just plain weird. Now, I wouldn't mind getting tutoring from Draco on more things than Potions, but that's Draco. Ok brain, what did I say about behaving?!::_

Dumbledore's eyes twinkled in their usual fashion at the gaping expressions on his students' faces. "I think that Professor Kanno would like to say a few introductory words before our feast commences. Am I correct, Professor Kanno?" _::Weird name, Kanno. Hmm...lets see. What rhymes with Kanno? Banno, canno, danno, fanno, lanno, sanno, vanno. Are these even words? What kind of a name is Kanno? Why am I asking all these questions?! Damn my brain is messed up. I wonder if thinking about Draco will help. On second thought, it won't.::_

The Asian man now known as Kanno nodded slightly, then whispered rapidly to Dumbledore in a different language. Dumbledore's look of amusement had increased as he turned back to the still-gapping students. "As Professor Kanno is not under a Translation spell at the moment and his English is not entirely understandable at the moment, Ms. Talers will be translating for him." _::Oooooh a linguist! I wonder if Draco's a linguist. Oh that would be so hot, he could scream dirty words in multiple languages! I did NOT just think that. Ok maybe I did. God damn it!::_

The girl's smirk widened as she stepped forward next to Kanno as he whispered into her ear in his rapid foreign language. "Professor Kanno would like to say that he is incredible honored to be teaching you this school year, and that he hopes everyone will be able to learn about the Dark Arts to the best of their abilities. Also, I would like to personally thank each and every one of you for the gold fish impressions, they are quite amusing and will serve me a good laugh in a few years," stated Topaz in a silky smooth, if not slightly arrogant, voice. _::Hey, Linguist Lady has a sense of humor! Maybe life won't be quite so boring in Defense Against the Dark Arts. Yay! Now I'll have something to do when we don't have class with the Slytherins. In English, staring at Draco's sexy body and face. Brain, I have two words for you. CAN IT!::_

Harry suppressed a laugh at this last comment, especially when Kanno slapped his head at the girl's statement. _::At least he can understand English. You know, I was right about that girl Topaz. She's like Draco's twin sister. Sweeetttt, now I know what Draco would look like if he was a girl. Except, with brown hair and blue eyes...ok so Draco probably wouldn't look like Topaz. He'd be a lot hotter. URGH! Stop it brain!!!!::_

A deep chuckle from Dumbledore interrupted the still gapping students, though some were now drooling. "Well, I think that that's a good enough introductory speech for me, how about everyone else?" _::Ewwwwwwwww...drool is so nasty. Make them stop! Make them stop!::_

His question was greeted by open mouths and some drool dripping loudly onto the floor. _::Oh yeah, THAT worked. Thanks for ruining my appetite Dumbledore.::_

"Well, what are you all waiting for? Dig in!" _::I don't think I can...ugghhh. Hey at least Draco isn't drooling. But if he did, I bet it would be hella sexy. Didn't think that, didn't think that. La la la la la.::_

At that cue the once-empty plates filled with different types of foods. From large turkeys dripping with golden gravy, to emerald green peas drizzled with creamy butter, there wasn't anything that anyone didn't want to eat. ::_Mmmmmm yummy!! Chicken! I wonder if Draco tastes as good as chicken? I did NOT just think that. Ok maybe I did. But do I have to acknowledge that? Nope. Denial seems very good right now.::_

Harry was too busy in devouring his chicken and singing about denial in his head to notice that the female version of Draco's personality was sauntering over to the blond himself. In fact, he wasn't aware of anything at all, besides the tiny voice in his head and the plate full of chicken that was directly in front of him. That is, until the human hedgehog, also known as Hermione, nudged him with her elbow. Again. _::Owww...her elbows are going to be the death of me!! Nooooo I'm too young to die!! I haven't even gotten to lick Draco's neck yet!!! Denial, denial. Man, I love rivers in Egypt.::_

"Ow! Jeez, what was that for?! I'll have you know I was having a nice, healthy argument with my brain, and you just interrupted it. Now how am I supposed to know who won?" Harry said while pouting. _::Wwwhhhaaaa life is so unfair!! Ok brain, we'll duke it out tonight after the feast. One on one, best thumb wrestler wins.::_

"Um...mate? You feeling okay? You don't happen to be a St. Mungo's escapee, right? Or worse, Malfoy in disguise on one of his PMS days?" Ron asked nervously. _::WHAT?! Draco's a GIRL?! Wait, it is true that only girls have pms right?::_

"I'll have you know, Weasel, that I'm not Harry in disguise, as I would die wearing his clothes, and I do NOT have PMS days," came an irritated voice from behind them. _::That voice seems very familiar. Hm...time to turn around and break up the suspense! Cue dramatic Jaws music. Duh duh. Duh duh. Duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh...::_

Harry's eyes widened as he turned around to find himself face to face with none other than the said blonde. ::_Ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod.::_

Hermione and Draco raised an eyebrow at him as Topaz clutched her sides laughing. Ron had already fainted from the shock of Draco appearing out of nowhere behind them. "Harry? Why are you saying 'Oh my god' over and over again?" _::Gah! I said that out loud?!::_

"Gah! I said that out loud?!" ::_Ok, must remember to stop saying things that I think out loud. That's the second time today!::_

"Yes, and you sound like a bloody girl," Draco droned in an uninterested manner. He seemed too busy scrutinizing Harry's upper body instead of his face. The boy in turn raised his eyebrows. "Well, I may have sounded like a girl, but I can assure you I'm not, so stop trying to see if I have female reproductive parts above my stomach." ::_Though he does look very hot when he's checking me out...denial is a lovely thing. Denial, denial, I love you, denial.::_

Draco blushed lightly, sputtering. "I'll have you know Harry, I was NOT looking at you like that, I was just looking at that disgusting stain on the front of your shirt." _::GAH!!! THIS IS MY FAVORITE SHIRT!!!! Wait a minute, there's nothing here. Ok, now I'm confused.::_

Topaz, who had just recovered from her laughing fit, smirked at the blond. "Yeah, that invisible one right smack dab in the middle of his chest, right?" _::Ooooohh I get it now. It was a cover up! Very tricky Blonde, very tricky. But I'm catching on.::_

The blonde's eyes narrowed. "Shut up Topaz, or I'll personally make sure you never see any form of luxury again." _::Ok so I had a little help from girl-Draco. Is that a crime?::_

Topaz put the back of her hand to her forehead, mock-fainting. "Oh, how could you be so cruel, Draco. After all, we ARE second cousins. I thought you would be happy to see me, but I suppose I was wrong. Oh, woe is me, my own cousin treats me as though I were a lowly serving girl." _::I still take credit for catching on though. Muhahaha...WHAT?!_

Hermione and Harry gaped at this as Draco just slapped his head in frustration. "You guys are RELATED?!" _::I KNEW they acted alike! Hey I figured something out myself! Yay!! Happy dance time!::_

"Yes, that was my reaction too. I mean, how can I be related to a brunette?" _::What's so wrong with us brunettes? Whhhaaaaaaa.::_

Harry almost fell out of his seat at that statement, while Topaz leaned over the Gryffindor Table and hit her head repeatedly on it's surface. Hermione actually did fall out of her chair. Draco looked at them in confusion. "What? What's wrong with that reaction? I personally think that it's a perfectly plausible reaction." ::_Whaaaaaaaa no it's not!!! You hate me because of my hair color!!!! My life is over!!!::_

"Coming from you, it is. Now stop being such a moron and tell them about me. They probably don't want to have further proof of you living up to the stereotypical blond right now. And please stop sniffing Harry, it's disturbing," said Topaz once she managed to pull herself up from the table. _::the towers here are pretty high, right? That'd be a good place to commit suicide. You'll never make me stop sniffing! Neeeeevvvvveeeerrrrr.::_

It was then that she took notice to the leery glances she was getting from every male present in that vicinity, as well as more than one girl. "What? Haven't you ever seen an American girl before?" she snapped at them while glaring menacingly. _::I'll do it tonight, and rid Draco of my presence as a brunette. He deserves a good blond or red head in his life, like Seamus or Ron. Ok, not Ron. That's a disturbing image.::_

"Tell me something Topaz, and please answer truthfully," spoke up Ron from below them, who was still on his back from his faint. _::Stop talking Ron, every time you do I think of you and Draco getting it on. That didn't make sense, but that's ok!::_

The girl looked down at him. "What is it?" _::Don't encourage him to talk! Don't do it!::_

"Do all Americans wear black thongs, or are you just special?" _::See! It's bad for him to talk! He is crude and obnoxious!::_

A moment later Draco and Harry looked down at the red head with equal expressions of curiosity while Hermione watched, too shocked for words. "Wow...I never knew an arm could bend that way," commented Draco. _::Maybe he could be a sideshow circus freak. "The Amazing Arm Bending Boy!" Hey, I'm talking to Draco again! YAY!!!!::_

"Who cares about the arm, I thought that only banshees could squeak like that," said Harry in awe. _::Tehehe not only can he be the Amazing Arm Bending Boy, he can be the Amazing Shrieking Arm Bending Boy. Do I sound breathless? That's cus Draco's face is about three inches away from mine! Wwwweeeeeeee I'm in heaven!::_

Standing up, Topaz brushed her hands over her black skirt and white blouse. "Well, I think it's safe to say that he's not going to be able to move for a few days. And by the way, you two do know that your heads are almost touching, right?" _::Thank you Ms. Obvious. Ok, time to act shocked about this realization.::_

Turning to look at one another quickly, Harry and Draco managed to smash their foreheads together in a very ungraceful manner while Topaz fell victim to another laughing attack. Fortunately for her, the two boys were too busy rubbing their sore foreheads to make any comments. _::Oof, overdid it there. I really should have taken up acting, I would have been famous! Just like my hero, Daniel Radcliffe. Ah, but no one is sexier than Blonde over here next to me. Though he does have a pretty hard skull. I bet I'll have a lump in the morning. Well, some people give love bites or hickeys, while others give love lumps.::_

Back at the head table, Dumbledore grinned widely at this display of pure comedy as Kanno shook his head at his assistant. ##That girl will never learn,## he said with remorse.

##Yes, but that will make spending eternity with her all the more interesting, wouldn't you agree?## replied Dumbledore.

##I suppose. But I have to wonder if her condition will get in the way of her transformation.##

##I highly doubt it. If anything it will make her all the more powerful## Dumbledore looked over at the group again, and was unable to suppress a laugh of his own as Draco began yelling at his second cousin while Harry just looked on, a dazed expression filling his face. ##However, I can't help but wonder what young Mr. Malfoy's reaction will be once he finds out about his cousin's true nature, and discovers that life is not quite as simple as he has been led to believe since he was born.##

Kanno looked at the elderly man in confusion. ##Why is that?##

##The Malfoy's are very absorbed with the fact that they are one of the few remaining pureblood wizarding families in existence. Finding out that a member of their family isn't, even if she is not directly blood related to them at this time, will no doubt be a shock. ##

##Ah, I understand. Well, now, you have me very curious as to the nature of these seventh year students. And may I ask who it is that Topaz and Mr. Malfoy are talking to now?##

##That would be young Mr. Potter, Mr. Malfoy's future spouse, or so say my seer sources.##

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Author's Note: Muhahahahaha yay! I actually accomplished something this vacation! It's only the second day and I've already finished one chapter! Don't know when I'll be able to post it, as there is no internet, but at least I've finished it! And I might even get to writing chapter 3! Oh, and yes, Kami Kanno is Japanese, and his character is based on a very popular celebrity from there. I admit it, I'm obsessed with Japan, and I'm proud of it!! Muha! I win. Oh, and by the way I couldn't help the Daniel Radcliffe part, it was too funny. At least I didn't use Tom Felton. Even though I personally think that he's a lot hotter than Daniel Radcliffe.


	3. Rebelling Brains

Disclaimer: I honestly own nothing. Except for the Harry Potter books and the second movie cus the only two parts in the first movie that I like are the part where Harry and Draco and the other people fly for the first time (what? It's perverted! I'm a pervy teenage girl, I'm allowed to take "Okay now stick your left hand over the broom and say 'Up'. Once your broom is firmly in the air, you may mount it, but be sure to squeeze tightly, you wouldn't want to slide off the end." Roflmao, I can't help myself, I really can't.) and the part where Draco and Harry see Voldemort drinking unicorn blood and Draco runs away screaming like a little girl, and then once you get a close up on Harry you see him running and screaming in the background.

Author's Note: Thank you Bea and Wren Craven for reviewing chapter 2!!!!! I love you guys!!! Oh, and WC, I'll read your fic but I can't promise when cus school just started and they're trying to kill us, literally. Ok back to the note I wrote on vacation. I'm still on vacation, stuck in a car driving around La Jolla while we wait for our hotel room to open up. Ah, laptop's are the savior of mankind. Oh look goody! Traffic! And I have to go to the bathroom! Urgh this is sucky. Ok, to pass the time I'm gonna work more on Simple and Clean! Woohoo!!! Ooooooooh a cute guy! And another one! Oooh, that one over there only has a towel around his waist. Ok, maybe I'll eye the male gender around here for a while, THEN work more. Tehehehehe. Oh yeah, and I'm going to be altering from Draco's thoughts and Harry's between chapters, so this chapter is going to have the sexy blond, aka Draco, thoughts.

::bla bla bla:: Thoughts

**:::bla bla bla:::** song lyrics

##bla bla bla## japanese (not sure that this will be needed cus of the Translation Charm thing, but oh well)

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**:::When you walk away:::**

**:::You don't hear me say:::**

**:::Please, oh baby, don't go:::**

**:::Simple and clean is the way that you're making me feel tonight:::**

**:::It's hard to let it go:::**

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Walking down briskly to the Great Hall for breakfast the next morning, Draco decided not to think about last night. ::_Even though Harry looks very sexy when he's clueless about everything around him...damn it, I thought that I wasn't going to think about last night again!::_

Grumbling, the blond plopped himself down at the Slytherin table in between Zabini and Goyle. Blaise looked up at his foul-looking friend and pushed a piece of toast with raspberry jam at him. "You know, you may not be a morning person, but judging by the looks of things you're going to be even nastier today. What's up?" _::Grrrrrrrr so menacing! The growl of the morning Draco can scare away the fiercest of morons. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem to be working with the wild, irritating Blaise Zabini.:: _

"Nothing I care to talk about, Zabini. Now leave me alone so I can eat," snapped Draco as he grabbed at the toast and poured himself a glass of orange juice. ::_Honestly, some people have no consideration. A man needs his food!!! Mmmmm raspberry!!! Yummy!::_

"Well, I guess I was right about you being Mr. Sunshine at the moment. Hey Goyle! Pass the syrup." _::Mr....SUNSHINE?! What the frick?!::_

"Um...Blaise?" _::Blimey! The morning Draco has become tame! What a sight to behold! Ok, why am I talking like the Crocodile Hunter?::_

"Yes Mr. Grumpy Pants?" _::Wtf mate? Ok, time to drop the Crocodile Hunter impressions.::_

Draco growled. "NEVER call me that again, you hear?" ::_It makes you sound like my boyfriend, and we all know that Draco Malfoy will never allow anyone that a certain Harry Potter be his boyfriend.::_

"Fine. Personally I think that it's a great name, but, whatever." ::_Only cus you wanna get in my pants and that's as far as you're getting. Sucker. Harry had better be glad that I'm saving myself for him.::_

"So what were you going to say?" _::Wait a minute, I didn't yell at my brain for thinking about Harry that way. GAH!!! MY BRAIN HAS TAKEN CONTROL OF ITSELF!!!!::_

"Uuuuurrrrrrgggghhhhh" _::AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!! RABID BRAIN ATTACK!!!!! IT'S TAKING CONTROL!!!! IT'S TAKING CONTROL!!!!::_

"Um...Draco? Wanna tell me the reason you're half groaning, half growling?" _::Hey, aren't brains supposed to have control of itself?::_

Blaise waved his hand in front of Draco's face. "Yo, earth to Draco. Asking a question over here." _::Yo, earth to Blaise. Having a philosophical debate here! Come back in a few days. Ok, now back to debate.::_

"Grrrrr uuuuggghhh arrrggghhhh." ::_If they have control of itself, then does that mean that half my brain wants Harry and the other half doesn't?"_

"Hey Crabbe! Goyle! Got any ideas how to snap blonde out of whatever he's in?" _::Go hate-Harry half, go!::_

"Umm...." _::Noooo the like-Harry half is winning!::_

"Uhh..." _::Go for the nuts hate-Harry half! The nuts!::_

"Oh why did I even bother asking the two of you?!" ::_Ooooh nice! Again! Again! Kick him in the head again!::_

"Hmm...maybe this will work." _::How do you like that, like-Harry half? Huh? Huh?::_

"Hey Draco, Harry Potter's coming over here with nothing except a bathroom towel around his waist and he looks like he fancies a shag." _::Muhahahaha...WHAT?!?!?!?!?!::_

Draco's eyes widened and his face fell right into a nearby bowel of porridge. Picking his head up out of the bowel and ignoring the disgusting looking substance on his face, he looked around quickly. "Where?! Where!?" _::Whhhaaaaaaa where is he?!?!?!!?! Wait a minute, isn't that him with Ron and Hermione? NOOOO!!!! THEY BEAT ME TO HIM!!!!::_

Blaise rolled out of his seat laughing, literally, while Crabbe and Goyle looked around the Great Hall too. "Man Draco, I knew you weren't exactly normal, but Potter? Man, you got weird taste." _::Wait, he has his robes on. Hmmmmm...wait a minute. Bllllaaaaiiiiissseeeee!!!!::_

Having spotted a fully clothed Harry Potter sitting with his friends while eating his own breakfast of scrambled eggs and toast, and realizing that it was a trick, Draco turned back to Blaise, who was still quite literally laughing his ass off, glaring. "What the hell did you do that for, Zabini?!" _::You'd better have a good reason or you're going to become best friends with my fist.::_

"Oh no reason." ::_Besides making me look like a fool, right? Right?!::_

"No reason?!" Draco hissed at the boy. _::I'm gonna kill you, I swear I will.::_

"Yeah, no reason. Other than getting you to snap out of whatever you were in. Which it did very well I might add." _::Once I'm done with you're going to be snapping are the buttons on your burial tux!::_

"You know, if I didn't know any better I'd say you had a death wish." _::Hm...lets see. What flowers should be at your funeral? Roses, or carnations?"::_

"Oh stop threatening me Draco. You know you love me." _::Dandelions would be best. Roses and carnations are too pretty. What the hell?! I only love one, Harry Potter! I didn't just think that.::_

"Like hell I do!" ::_Who could love a backstabber that resembled a toad?!_

"Yes you do. You know why?" _::Enlighten me::_

"No, enlighten me. Why would I love a toad resembling..." _Speaking your thoughts is always healthy for the mental. Not that I'm mental or anything...::_

"You love me because I happen to have the password to the Gryffindor common room." _::Oh My God. I've died and gone to heaven. Either that or someone's killed me and I'm really in hell and it's theatrical day.::_

"...Adorable, hot, sexy, angelic, life saver? Because I've just fallen madly in love with you and am considering shagging you senseless right now. Did I mention that I have a thing for brunettes who..."_::who could have known that toady was handy dandy? Did I just say handy dandy? Oh god, the world is coming to an end.::_

Blaise laughed. "Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know, I'm great." _::Uh huh, yeah, you keep thinking that.::_

"May I ask how you got the password?" _::I must know for future blackmail references.::_

"Sure. I had a little fun with a certain Gryffindor last night. Hell of a fun time. Kept having to avoid the glasses, though..." _Gryffindor Glasses=GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!::_

Draco pulled out his dusty goldfish impression. "You...you didn't!" _::ohmygodohmygodohmygod he slept with Harry! Nooooooooooooo!!! I'm doomed!! Doooooooommmmmmmeeeeeedddd!!!::_

"Yeah, I did. Who would have thought that Finnigan would lose his contact lenses right in the heat of the moment. Still was a blast of a night though, don't regret a thing." _::I think I'm going to faint. Yup, here I go. Hellooooo floor.::_

Thump.

Harry, while walking out of the Great Hall, looked over at Blaise (a/n: They're sitting close to the door, by the way.) "What was that?"

"Oh, just Draco being his usual graceful self."

"Really? What did he do?"

"Fell out of his chair. Again."

Thump.

Ron, who had been straggling behind Harry, heard the sound. "Oi! Zabini! You seen Harry? And what was that sound?"

"Yes I have, he's on the floor."

"And pray tell why that is."

"Oh, I told him that Draco fell gracefully out of his chair after I told him that I slept with Finnigan last night after he thought that I'd slept with Harry cus I know the password to your common room and I said something about glasses."

Thump.

Snape chose that moment to walk by. Rolling his eyes, he looked down at the three teenage boys lying on the ground, with dazed expressions. "Pull yourself together you three! You'd think that you just heard Zabini say that Draco fell gracefully on the ground after Zabini told him that he slept with Finnigan so he now knows the password to Gryffindor Tower and plans to give it to Draco so he can sneak in to have a night of passion with Potter."

Thump.

"Oh, stop being a drama queen Zabini and get off the ground. NOW."

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And so the next hour found the Slytherins and Gryffindor seventh years in a stifling dungeon stirring boiling pots of Polyjuice Potion. Grumbling, Draco stirred his brew while snapping out orders to his partner, who was none other than Blaise. "No no no! You have to cut them into vertical strips, not horizontal ones! Argh! Now look what you've done! These ingredients are ruined!" ::_Can't anyone ever learn how to read a BOARD?! How hard can this be!?::_

"Mr. Malfoy, is there a problem?" Snape asked after suddenly appearing in front of the blond's cauldron.

"Yes, I've been paired with a moron." ::_I really wish I knew how to do that, then I could appear in front of Harry and have some fun with him whenever I wanted. Mmmmm that sounds like fun. Yay! Happy thoughts!::_

"Well, we can't have our second best student be paired with a 'moron'. So how about an idiot instead?"

Draco's goldfish impression came to the surface again. _::This may be undignified, but it doesn't matter. What the hell is he doing!? He's supposed to sympathize with me, not make my life even worse!::_

"Potter! Get over here, you're being paired with Malfoy for the rest of the period." _::On second thought, Snape, I love you. I really do.::_

"Oh, stop giving me puppy eyes Mr. Malfoy, it is disturbing," Snape gave him a disgusted look. "Honestly, I'll never understand teenage hormones." _::What? You were born as a full- grown man and never experienced life as a teenager? Damn, your mom must have hated you for having to give birth to you. Ewwww, I'm glad I'm a guy.::_

Draco looked at Harry, who had just sauntered over. Giving him a quick run over with his eyes, the blond decided that Harry did, in fact, look even sexier up close than from a distance. Smirking, Draco crossed his arms and leaned against the desk, hoping to look cool without overdoing it. "So, Potter. You know anything about this potion? Or am I going to have to tutor you on how to create it." _::Tehehe, and the tutoring sessions will be held at my room from 9 pm to 7 am.::_

"No, Malfoy, I think I can manage, but thanks for the offer." _::Nooooooooooooooo my hopes!! My dreams!!!::_

"Hmph. Fine then, if you're so confident, YOU do it!" _::Revenge is sweet::_

"Ok. Re-cut those strips that Zabini ruined and hand them to me when you're done while I stir this counter clockwise. Assuming that it isn't completely ruined from your lack of attention over the past few minutes. _::WHAT?! What happened to my revenge?! Nooo my revenge! Where have you run off to?! Why did you leave me here all alone! Ooh, naughty thoughts! Welcome! Harry is so sexy, Harry is so sexy. Harry in the bathroom with wet hair, a wet body, and only a white towel around his waist. Gaahhhh drool time.::_

"Stop drooling Malfoy and cut those strips! By the way, why did you and your cousin come over to chat with us last night?" _::Harry tied down to the bed with a blindfold on...uh oh. Busted.::_

"Um..." _::Meep somebody hide me!!!!!::_

"Yes?" _::Must find happy place, must find happy place::_

"She, uh, knew we were cousins and wanted me to introduce her to everyone." _::YES! SAVED BY SLYTHERIN TRAIT #5: Lying.::_

"Really. Then why did you choose to start with me and my friends?" _::Damn, not saved yet.::_

"Uh...I don't know. And besides, what does it matter? What's done is done, the past can't be changed." _::Slytherin trait #8: Avoid direct answer to hard questions.::_

"Yes, but that doesn't satisfy my curiosity." _::Urgh! What's with the interrogating?!::_

"What's with all the interrogating Potter? Is it really that important?" _::Speaking the thoughts is at times a good thing. Though saying to Harry that I think he'd look hot in black leather pants probably wouldn't be so good.::_

"Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. Why do you want to know?" _::Why is this guy in Gryffindor? He should be a frickin' Slytherin!! He acts just like one! He's even got Slytherin trait #13 down: Answer uncomfortable questions with another question.::_

"Because you're acting like a prosecutor, that's why I want to know!" _::Tehehe watching that Muggle show Law And Order is helpful. Who would have guessed. Mmmmm Harry sprawling on a judge's table. Good thoughts, good thoughts.::_

"Um...hey, Malfoy? You ok?" _::Hmmm oh? Eek! Cutie's talkin' to me!!::_

"Eek! I mean, yeah, why?" _::This is getting scary, why is he my partner again?::_

"You got this weird happy look on your face, that's why. You never do that." _::Oh yeah, cus I'm a moron and made Blaise go away. Ok, avoidance time.::_

"Whatever. I was thinking about something, so just drop it. Lets work on this potion." _::Not exactly your typical avoidance strategy, but it still works so it's all good.::_

"Really? What were you thinking about?" _::Eeeeeeeekkkkkkkk::_

"Oh nothing special, just you lying naked on a judge's table ready to be taken." _::Oh My God I'm DOOOOOOOMMMMMMEEEEEDDDDD!!::_

Harry choked, his eyes so wide they were practically bulging out of his head. "Wh...what?!" _::Ok, quick recovery. I can still make it out of this alive.::_

"You heard me. It was a damn good image too. Mmmmmmmm..." _::I'm dead. I'm really dead. Gaaahhh I'm too young to die!!!::_

"Oookkk then. I'll take your word for it. If you don't want to tell me, then you don't have to make up lies or anything. Sheesh." _::Yes! Saved by the cutie's cluelessness! Tehehe I'm alive! I'm alive! Everyone sing the "Draco's alive!" song! Weeeee!!! Happyness.::_

"You have that weird look on your face again." _::Never mind, I'm dying a slow painful death. That was just a mental lapse.::_

"Do I? That's cus I'm singing the 'I'm alive' song in my head cus you don't believe me about what I said I was thinking about earlier." _::I think I subconsciously want to die. No! I know what it is! My brain is rebelling again! Nooooooo death by rebelling brains!!! WE'RE ALL DOOMED!!!!::_

"Right. Ok then. Back to the potion." _::Yay! We're not all doomed yet! We can live to see another day!::_

"Yup, and back to me fantasizing about you in leather. You know, you'd look good in black leather." _::Or maybe we really are doomed.::_

Harry's response to Draco's comment was to fall off his laboratory stool.

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A/N: Tehehehe I hoped you like my comedy, the last little bit was written at around 12:30 am two weeks after the rest was written cus I took a writing vacation as soon as I got back from Southern Cali. Anyway, it's now 1:05 and I'm tired cus I spent the last 6 hours dancing with my friends at the welcome back dance and mock-flirting with my guy friend, which was very fun by the way, reading fics, and then finishing up this one. Oh yeah, and please please PLEASE review! I need support and/or criticism so that I can make this fic better!! Oh yeah, and feel free to flame but try not to flame me just because this is a slash fic, cus that usually just results in me laughing and making fun of the flamer with my friends online. So anyway, please review and I hope that you enjoyed this chapter of Simple and Clean.


	4. Harry Aka The Kinky Sex Kitten

Disclaimer: Those who are not familiar with the infamous Disclaimer song are about to have a first hand demonstration.

::clears throat and starts singing like a banshee:: IIIII DDOOOOO NNNOOOOTTTT OOOOWWWWNNNNN HHHARRRYYY PPOOOTTTEEEERRRRR OORRR THHHEEEE SSOOOONNNGGG SSIIMMMMPPPLLEEEE AAANNNNDDDD CCCLLLEEAAANNNN.

There, happy now?

A/n: Tehe gotta love the disclaimer song. IMPORTANT! is being...annoying right now so the italics are not always working correctly. If this is the case then please remember that thoughts always begin and end with this symbol ::. Just a little reminder to avoid any further confusion .

Anyway, special thanks to my reviewers, and because my bud Bea asked an important question I'm answering your reviews in the beginning of the fic rather than at the end, which is where I will normally put up my responses.

Olean: Tehehehe cool!! I'm glad you like their thoughts, especially Draco's. Gotta make that boy at least a little weird, right? Hope you like this chapter too!

Not A Homicidal Maniac: Yay! Two people like what I'm doing with their thoughts! Lol, of course Harry's rational, he's Harry. Though that may change. Cue suspenseful music! Duh duh duh duuuhhh. Tehehe. By the way, I love your pen name, it rocks.

Br Lr: Hey Bea! Glad you liked it! Ok, this goes out to EVERYONE READING THIS FIC. Tehe sorry bout the capitals, just wanted to get your attention. The title of this fic is called Simple and Clean because I open up every chapter with a few selected lyrics from the song Simple and Clean by Utada Hikaru, the opening song for Kingdom Hearts. I chose this song because one day when I was listening to it while reading Draco/Harry slash fics I realized how the song could apply to their supposed relationship. And to answer your other question Bea, no, Spanish Class guy didn't go to the dance. BUT on the bright side I did get to tease one of my guy friends mercilessly, which is always fun. Tehehe I'm so evil.

And with no further ado, on with the madness of Simple And Clean, this time with Harry's crazy, irrational thoughts to add humor in our otherwise boring lives. And if your life isn't boring, then it just got a little stranger.

_::bla bla bla:: _thoughts

**:::bla bla bla::: **song lyrics

##bla bla bla## Japanese (may not apply, haven't decided yet)

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**:::The daily things:::**

**:::Like this, and that, and what's what:::**

**:::That keep us all busy are confusing me:::**

**:::That's when you came to me:::**

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Harry grumbled while rubbing the lump on the back of his head as he walked with Hermione and Ron to their next class, Defense Against The Dark Arts. And who were the Gryffindors going to be spending the next hour and a half with? (a/n: I'm not sure exactly how long periods are in England or are supposed to be at Hogwarts, so I made up this time. If anyone knows how long class periods are in England please feel free to tell me!!) If you guessed the Slytherins then you are correct. Please feel free to collect your prize of a free sparkly pencil at the end of the page. _::Yeah, I'm definitely going crazy. Though with this second head of mine, it's no surprise,:: _thought Harry as he entered the familiar classroom. As he sat down at his desk, he couldn't help but blush as he recalled the reason for the fall that gave him the lump on the back of his head.

-Flashback- 

"What's with all the interrogating Potter? Is it really that important?" ::Hehehe. I love getting him all riled up, he's so cute when he's annoyed. Oh my god I did NOT just think that Draco Malfoy is cute. Nope. Didn't think it. Lalalala. Wait! No singing, gotta make a whitty come back.::

"Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. Why do you want to know?" ::Ooooh yeah. I'm the bomb. Try to beat that pretty boy! Wait. You're not pretty! Didn't think that!!!!!::

"Because you're acting like a prosecutor, that's why I want to know!" ::Urgh. He did beat that. Ok then. Round 2! You're going down cutie. I really need to stop thinking these thoughts, I'm going to get brain damage. Speaking of brain damage, why is he looking so happy? Did he just get high off the potion or something? Interesting...I didn't know you could get high off a polyjuice potion. Sweet! I gotta try it some time!::

"Um...hey, Malfoy? You ok?" ::Cus I just gotta know why you look like that! You're adorable!! Ok, I'll pretend I didn't think that, but just this one time!!::

"Eek! I mean, yeah, why?" ::Did he just shriek?!::

"You got this weird happy look on your face, that's why. You never do that." ::He just shrieked! He sounded like a girl!!! Hehe, I wonder what would happen if I screwed the daylights out of him. Bet he'd sound like a girl too. Oooh that's so hot.::

"Whatever. I was thinking about something, so just drop it. Lets work on this potion." ::Damn, so he really didn't get high off the potion. Hmmm...wonder what he was thinking about. Curiosity is about to kill the Harry.::

"Really? What were you thinking about?" ::Cus if it's anything like what I'm thinking about right now, then you'd better get on your hands and knees and start begging me to f...::

"Oh nothing special, just you lying naked on a judge's table ready to be taken." ::Ok, not exactly what I had in mind, but that works too. Wait...him...me...naked...judge's table...HOLY CRAP!!!::

"Wh...what?!" ::Hey look! On top of being pervertedly obsessed with the idea of a naked Draco shrieking like a girl, I've developed a stutter! Go me!::

"You heard me. It was a damn good image too. Mmmmmmmm..." ::oook then. I don't think that it would be half as good as you on your hands and knees begging me for mercy, but I'll take your word for it. Witty comeback time!::

"Ooookkk then. I'll take your word for it. If you don't want to tell me, then you don't have to make up lies or anything. Sheesh." ::Bad come back!!! Noooo I'm loosing my touch!! Ok why does he look like he's high again?::

"You have that weird look on your face again." ::Adorable, yes. But it's still freaking weird!!!!::

"Do I? That's cus I'm singing the 'I'm alive' song in my head cus you don't believe me about what I said I was thinking about earlier." ::Interesting...I think it's time to change the subject. I just might be rubbing off my insanity on him, which would NOT be a good thing.::

"Right. Ok then. Back to the potion." ::Beautiful change of subject! Maybe I'm not loosing my touch.::

"Yup, and back to me fantasizing about you in leather. You know, you'd look good in black leather." ::Really? Cus I always thought that I looked better in dark red and you would look super sexy in black. Wait...OH MY FING GOD HE JUST SAID HE THOUGHT I WOULD LOOK GOOD IN BLACK LEATHER!!!! MY DREAMS HAVE COME TRUE! I...I feel faint...::

-End flashback-

And that was how Harry came to sport his beautiful lump on the back of his head. ::Great. Not only did I manage to actually believe that Draco thinks of me as a kinky sex kitten, I also managed to become a mutated two-headed kinky sex kitten!! I'm never going to get laid by him now!!!::

Just as Harry had this passing thought, Topaz stepped out of the teaching room that adjoined the main classroom and cleared her throat, hoping to direct the other teenagers' attention to her.

"Welcome Seventh Year Gryffindors and Slytherins. I suppose you are wondering why you are being taught by me instead of Professor Kanno. Though why you would prefer being taught by him instead of me I can't for the life of me imagine," she added, winking at Seamus Finnigan, Dean Thomas, and Blaise Zabini, who happened to be in the front row looking like love sick puppies. ::Hahaha those losers. She's so totally out of their league. I mean, she's related to Draco Malfoy!! She's only going to go for the disgustingly wealthy, or a kinky sex kitten like me. Too bad I'm saving myself for Draco, she is pretty hot.::

"As it is, Professor Kanno has that inhibits him from teaching during the day. This is the reason for the need of two Defense Against The Dark Arts teachers, as well as the reason why you have altering classes. If any of you took the time to look at your time-tables for the coming weeks, you will notice that next week your class will be held at 6 in the evening, while the class the week after will be held at the present time. I will be teaching the late morning classes while Professor Kanno teachers the early evening ones, so I expect everyone to be rushing into this classroom the moment your previous class is over." ::Can anyone say vain? I can! And everyone always takes a kinky sex kitten's word.::

"Now, just because one of your teachers is your age if not a year younger does not mean that this class will be an easy high grade. If anything you will be working harder in this class than any other subject, mostly because Professor Kanno and I love to be evil and torture teenagers." ::Wait a minute. Have I been referring to myself as a kinky sex kitten for the past 5 minutes?!::

"Our expectations of you will be very high, and you will be forced to learn many spells and charms that are normally taught only in Auror training camps. Also, you will be facing many of the most feared creatures in both the Wizarding and Muggle Worlds, as well as view many graphic pictures of what happens to an unfortunate witch or wizard who comes across these beasts or are tortured by a Dark Lord. So I would highly suggest not eating anything before this class or you will risk loosing your lunch and, contrary to popular belief, teenagers who throw up constantly do NOT look attractive." :: Oh my god I've been calling myself a kinky sex kitten for the past 5 minutes!!!!::

Hermione looked over at Harry, whose eyes were currently as wide as sauce pans, his mouth slightly open. "You know Harry, I doubt it will be all that bad. She's probably just trying to intimidate us," she whispered to her friend. ::Huh? What's frizzy girl talking about? Oh yeah, Draco's cousin's trying to scare the crap out of us. Ok, back to previous thoughts. WHY AM I THINKING OF MYSELF AS A KINKY SEX KITTEN?!::

"Yeah mate. No need to get all freaked out. Besides, you've probably seen and dealt with a lot more shit than Topaz or Kanno will in their entire lives," Ron agreed::What are we talking about again?::

"You guys? I have a really important question to ask you two, and I need a straight forward, truthful answer." ::WHAT AM I DOING?! Ok, I'm crazy. It's official. I make absolutely no sense.::

"What is it Harry? You know you can ask us anything, that's what best friends are for," stated Hermione worriedly. ::Well, here goes nothing. St. Mungo's mental ward, here I come.::

"Do you think I'm a kinky sex kitten?" ::I can't wait until I get to be tied up in a straight jacket! Those things are so cool!::

"Hell yeah you are! I'm glad you finally came face to face with reality, Potter," said a deep voice enthusiastically from behind them. ::Wait wait wait. I've heard that voice before...::

Harry, Hermione, and Ron all spun around in their seats to gape at a certain eavesdropping blond behind them. "We're having a PRIVATE discussion here Malfoy! Now sod off!" yelled Ron. ::He thinks I'm a kinky sex kitten! YAY!!! MY LIFE IS COMPLETE!!!! Hey! Stop yelling at him Ron! He thinks I'm a kinky sex kitten for crying out loud!!::

"Well, I'm sorry if I interrupted your PRIVATE time with the kinky sex kitten, Weasel, but I was just stating the obvious. It's not my fault that you can't hold a low-key conversation to save your life." ::Ok, maybe I should defend reddy.::

"Stop it D...Malfoy. You're going to get us all detention, and I for one do NOT want to start off this year with scrubbing tables!" stated Harry while glaring at the Slytherin behind him. ::Whhhaaa forgive me!!!!!! But I really don't wanna have detention with that creepy Asian guy!!!!::

"Ah, the kinky sex kitten speaks. And you said something besides 'ah', 'more' and 'f...'"

"Mr. Malfoy! Mr. Potter! I will NOT stand for you interrupting my very important opening speeches! You will both be reporting here at exactly 9 o'clock tonight for your detentions. And should you speak another word that doesn't relate to this class you will be coming here for the next month!" shrieked a very undignified Topaz. ::Gah!! Rabid banshee attack!!!! Draco!!! Save me!!!::

"GAH!! RABID BANSHEE ATTACK!!!! DRACO SSAAAAVVVEEEEE MMMMEEEE!!!!!!" shrieked Harry like a girl as he somehow managed to jump out of his chair, over the desk behind him, and land in Draco's lap while wrapping his arms around the blonde's neck, pulling himself as close to the other boy as possible. ::They really should have a cheerleading squad here. I'd definitely make the cut::

Ron and Hermione fell out of their seats at this nimble show of acrobatics while Draco sputtered and Topaz half sputtered, half snickered. "Well, now that we all know that Mr. Potter has indeed lost his marbles, please take out your textbooks and turn to page 25, chapter 4, titled 'Vampires; Facts and Myths.' Mr. Potter, if you cannot find it in you to remove yourself from Mr. Malfoy then you two may share his textbook," she said to the class of shocked seventh years. Harry blushed at this last comment and hid his face in Draco's chest. ::Urgh!! This is so embarrassing!! Why did I do this again? Oh right, because I've gone crazy. How could I have forgotten.::

Draco somehow managed to maneuver his arms around the dark haired boy in his lap to put his textbook on the table in front of them and open it up to the correct page. "So, Potter. Remind me again why you're sitting in my lap begging me to save you from the rabid banshee also known as my second cousin?" ::Isn't it obvious? I'm just a poor, lost little boy who needs a brave, mighty pretty boy like you to save me. Oh yeah, and I've officially lost my mind, but that's really not important.::

"Isn't it obvious? I'm just a poor, lost little boy who needs a brave, mighty pretty boy like you to save me. Oh yeah, and I've officially lost my mind, but that's really not important." ::Memo to self; NEVER repeat thoughts out loud.::

Silvery-grey eyes widened for a moment, and then Draco smirked. "Why Potter! Who would have ever guessed that you would need to be saved by the likes of me?" ::Hey, how come he's coming up with good comebacks? That's my job!!::

"How could they have guessed that you turn into such a handsome man, love." ::Hehe lets see him beat that.::

"And how could anyone guess that you'd become the girl in our relationship." ::I win!!! Wait...WHAT THE!!! I'M NOT A GIRL!!!!!!::

"I'M NOT A GIRL!!!!" ::Whhhaaaaa such an abusive relationship. Wait, we have a relationship? Since when?! And, more importantly, when do we got to snog the hell out of each other!?::

"Really? Because I was under the impression that you were the kinky sex kitten, and, in case you didn't know, girls are kinky sex kittens and boys, like myself, are sex gods. So obviously you are a girl." ::Argh!!!!!!!!! He's being such a prick!! And the only time he gets to be pricky is when we're alone in the heat of the night in my bed!!!!!!::

"Hmph. I'm not a girl and I don't need to prove that to you," stated Harry while crossing his arms across his chest and pouting.

"Whatever you say Potter. Now move your head a little ways to the right, I can't see the top of the right page." ::He is so NOT getting any action tonight.::

"You are so NOT getting any action in bed tonight, Draco." ::Whoops, spoke my thoughts again. I really need to stop doing that.::

"I was getting action tonight? REALLY?! Ok, I apologize for calling you a girl. Now, what's say you and me get out of here and go up to my room, eh?" ::I say hell ya!!!::

"I say hell ya!!!" ::Oops, I did it again. Hehe. Oops, I did it again. I played with your heart! Hehe. Who ever said that the thoughts of the insane were full of pretty flowers and fluffy clouds? Cus whoever they were they were crazy themselves.::

"All right! By Cuz! I'm going to go get some action with Potter now, don't bother expecting us to come back any time soon!" yelled Draco as he scooped Harry up in his arms bridal style and started sprinting out the door.

Topaz's response to this outburst was to roll her eyes and shout out "STUPEFY!" at her cousin and a very startled Harry Potter, causing them both to fall to the ground unconscious.

Hermione gaped at her teacher. "Ms. Talers? Was it completely necessary to knock them out?"

Topaz rolled her eyes at the girl. "Of course it was, or else they would have actually left and screwed the daylights out of each other. And, knowing how those two behave around each other, they would deny anything ever happened tomorrow. Hmmm...I think I'm going to need some back up for this case."

"Back up?" questioned Hermione.

The teenage teacher grinned evilly. "Yes, back up. Granger, is it?"

Hermione nodded her head slightly tentatively.

"Well Ms. Granger. How would you like to help me make the best couple Hogwarts has ever seen?"

Hermione smirked a smirk that would have made Draco proud if he had been conscious to see it. "What exactly do you have planned?"

Topaz smirked back and leaned over the desk to whisper her plan into her new friend's ear.

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A/n: Tehehe how was that? So, now Draco's not alone in the world of insanity! Yay! Lol. Oh, I shamelessly stole the sex kitten and sex god references from the Angus, Thongs, and Full Frontal Snogging series. I literally worship those books, and if you've never read them get your ass off your chair or whatever your sitting on while reading this and go to the nearest book store or library to get them, because they're freaking hilarious!!!

Yes, we are slowly but surely getting closer to actual slash instead of just complete random insanity on Harry and Draco's part. It probably won't happen in the next chapter, or even in the chapter after that, but it's closer! So review, review, REVIEW, and the slashy goodness will come faster. Reviews=inspiration, and inspiration=fast updates. Also, please feel free to give me constructive critisicm, plot ideas, anything! I love helpful reviews! I also love reviews saying how great of a writer I am, but I'm not picky. ddc out!


	5. Unexpected News

Disclaimer: I own nada, sorry to spoil your fun. Ah!!!!! I forgot my spanish homework!!! Oh cripity crappity crop! And yes, I just made that up off the top of my head. So you can't sue me!! MUHHAHAHAHAHA

A/N: THANK YOU JULES AND NIKKI FOR HELPING ME FIGURE OUT THE COMPLETE STORY PLOT FOR THIS FIC!!! I LOVE YOU GUYS FOR LIFE!!!!!!!

A/N II: Special thanks to all my reviewers, responses will be at the end of the fic. And just to warn you, this is more of a filler chapter than anything else, so it's going to mostly just be chaos, chaos, pervy thoughts, and more chaos. Sorry about that, but I promise that I will make up for it in the next chapter, which, hopefully, will be 50 times better than this chapter. Anyway, ON WITH THE FIC!!!!!!!!!

_::bla bla bla:: _thoughts

**:::bla bla bla:::** song lyrics

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**:::And said, 'Wish I could prove I love you:::**

**:::But does that mean I have to walk on water?:::**

**:::When we are older you'll understand:::**

**:::It's enough when I say so,:::**

**:::And maybe some things are that simple':::**

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And so the weeks at Hogwarts for Draco Malfoy commenced. The days were pretty much the same, the blond would wake up at exactly 7:29, spend fifteen minutes combing his hair back before applying his trademark gel, then quickly brush his sparkling white teeth and rush into the Great Hall.

Once there he would sit down diagonal from Blaise, so that he could have a good view of a certain specific raven haired Gryffindor, and in between his hired thugs, also known as Crabbe and Goyle. He then would reach to his right to pick up a nearby milk beaker, stealing a quick glance at Harry in doing so of course, and then fill his goblet full of the ever-so-healthy drink (a/n: Sarcasm, anyone?). Upon obtaining his nurturing drink, he would then grab a large piece of toast and smother it in raspberry jam, all the while stealing glances at Harry and pretending to listen to Blaise talk about his newest conquest. All in all, your typical breakfast for Draco Malfoy.

It was on one of these days that the unexpected occurred. No, Voldemort did not run into the Great Hall dressed as a hooker singing I'm A Slave To You, and no Ginny Weasley didn't start giving Snape a lap dance, and while though those two events may be very unexpected, they would also be very mentally unhealthy for those in the vicinity. What happened was Dumbledore rose from his chair, and, cue suspenseful music, gave a speech.

This unexpected occurrence happened while Draco was in the process of downing his nutritious beverage while raising his eyebrows suggestively at a certain green-eyed boy, who at that time was attempting to seduce the blond by licking a jam-covered spoon. Which, considering the two suspects, wasn't a very hard feat to accomplish. And so because the two were so completely engrossed with their sexual fantasies towards one another the news Dumbledore announced to the innocent (a/n: cough cough) students of Hogwarts took them completely by surprise.

"I would like to announce that many of the teachers and I will be going off to Hawaii for a relaxing week in a few moments, in which we will spend our time re-acquainting ourselves with one another."

And now we return to the wonderful place known as Draco's mind while he chokes on his milk. _::WHAT?!!?!?!?!??!?!::_ was all Draco managed to think as he concentrated on swallowing without suffocating at the same time.

Draco saw that across the hall Harry had managed to stay in his seat, but at the same time almost swallow his spoon. _::What the hell is re-acquaint themselves? That sounds dirty. Wait...never mind that IS dirty. Ewwwwww Snape getting it on with McGonagall. Bad thoughts! Bbbaaadddd tthhhouuuugggghhhtttssss.::_

Blaise looked at his friend in concern. "Is the milk sour or something? Cus you look like you're going to throw up at any second." _::I wish it was just the milk that was sour. Ewwwwwww Dumbledore, Snape, and McGonagall in a threesome. Gah!!!!! I'm scarred for life!!! Ok, calm down Draco, play it cool. Think of something good, like...umm...Harry dripped in raspberry jam and you get to lick it all off. Mmmm good thoughts good thoughts. Ok, I'm happy now.::_

"Oh don't worry, I won't puke. I'm happy now." _ ::Mmmm happy place. I'm in my happy place. Oh look, there's Ron getting tortured! Yay!!!!! Yup, this is definitely my happy place.::_

"That wouldn't have anything to do with you imagining Harry dripped with jam or something, would it?" _::Oh my god he's a mind reader! Again! Ok Zabini, get the hell out of my head! NOW! This is an NC-17 rated mind, no one under the age of 17 enters without parental permission.::_

"Are you a mind reader or something?" _::Wait a minute, is he seventeen? Ok, that could prove a problem there. Umm...what's the highest film rating?::_

"No, you just keep looking at him while licking your lips while your hand reaches for the jam." _::Oh. Gotcha. That's fine then. Back to happy place.::_

But Draco was never to see his happy place again for a long time, also known as five whole minutes, as Dumbledore continued his speech over the muttering students. "Now I'm sure you all know that Halloween will be in two days, and I'm sure you also know that you can not have your schedualed Halloween Dance without chaperones, so Mr. Filch, Hagrid, and Ms. Talers will be remaining to keep you children in line." _::TOPAZ is chaperoning us? Haha, that's a laugh. More likely she'll be smuggling in booze. Sweet!!!!!::_

"What's more, Ms. Talers has arranged for a close friend of hers to arrive here at Hogwarts to assist her in her duties for the next week. The girl's name is a Ms. Amadea de Lafyette from Venice I believe, and while our guest is here I expect you all to be kind and courteous." _::Foreigners are taking over!!! Foreigners are taking over!! If this Italian girl hits on MY Harry I'll have her head!!!! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr, the mighty Draco is a very menacing beast when angered.::_

"In lighter news, classes for today and until the Monday after next are to be cancelled. So, enjoy yourselves kids! Happy Halloween to all, and to all a good week." And with that Dumbledore and all the teachers save Filch, Hagrid, and Topaz Disapparated. _::Um...ok that was interesting. So...now what? I'm confused.::_

The Great Hall was left in a stunned silence after the professors' departure. After a moment Topaz rose from her seat and jumped on top of the staff table. "Well, what are you all waiting for? PARTY AT HOGWARTS!!!!!" she screamed at the top of her lungs.

At this cue the entire student body threw up their arms and cheered as loud as they could, causing Filch to cover his ears and howl in pain. Blaise jumped up on top of the Slytherin table and started to do a weird jig, also known as "the happy dance."

"Woohoo!!! Come on Draco! Lets go kidnap Harry and Seamus and drag them back to our dorm and have our wicked way with them!" yelled Blaise to his friend over the cheering students.

"Blaise, that's the first intelligent thing you've said all month!" yelled Draco back as he jumped out of his seat and over the table. _::Oh yeah this is gonna be fun. Harry, you're MINE!!!!!1 MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA::_

"Muhahahahahahahahahahaha," cackled Draco evilly as he and Blaise began to stalk towards the Gryffindor table.

"Um, Draco? You might want to cool it with the whole Wicked Witch From The West thing, it's kinda creepy." _::Muhahahaha never! Muhahahahahaha::_

"Muhahahahahaha never! Muhahahahaha."

"Ok whatever. Now, how are we going to do this? I say, we duck under the table while no one's looking and grab them by their ankles and pull them under the table. After that we cast invisibility charms on them after knocking them out and then levitate them back to the common room." _::Umm...how about NO.::_

"Blaise, how about this plan. You follow my lead and trust me with your life. And if the Gryffindors attack, you jump in front of me and guard me with your useless body. How does that sound?" _::I think it sounds good personally.::_

"Um...fine, up until the whole sacrificing myself so that you can get laid part. That part just isn't going to happen, sorry." _::Damn. It was worth a shot I guess.::_

"Ok, I guess that was worth a shot. Now, while you distract them by jumping on the table in front of Seamus and dancing for him, I'll go over and get Harry. If Frizzy Lady and the Human Weasel get in the way, grab Seamus, pull him up on the table, and snog the daylights out of him. But only if they get in the way, ok?" _::Tehehe this is going to be so much fun!!!!::_

"Sounds like a plan to me. And if that doesn't work, then what?" _::Always with the critisicm!!!! Jeez, why can't people just give me the benefit of the doubt when I say that I'm the evilest boy at Hogwarts and can formulate a good kidnapping plan for the Boy Who Lived To Get Screwed By Me off the top of my head?!::_

"Then I'll improvise. Come on! Quick! Before they move!!!!" _::And now, we begin. MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA::_

With that Blaise jumped on top of the Gryffindor table, making all the Gryffindors gasp while the rest of the school went on doing their own versions of the happy dance and the funky chicken dance in celebration of their teachers' sudden departure. Draco slipped past the confused Gryffindors to approach Harry from behind while Blaise literally strutted around on the table until he found himself directly in front of a wide-eyed Seamus. "Hey sexy, what's cooking?"

Draco used all his willpower to repress a revealing snort as he came closer to a gaping Harry Potter and Co. _::Nice Blaise, very nice. Now they'll hall have heart attacks. Maybe I should let him plan one of these sometime. Either that or use him as a distraction more often.::_

Unfortunately, The Weasel Man happened to turn around just as Draco moved into his crouching-tiger-ready-to-pounce-on-prey imitation a foot behind Harry. "What the hell are you doing Malfoy?" _::Noooo...crap.::_

This statement, of course, caused Hermione and Harry to turn around as well. Draco pouted as Harry's sidekicks scowled at him while the green-eyed boy just looked plain confused. _::Well, so much for subtlety.:: _

"I have an idea WEASEL, how about we play a guessing game. You get three guesses to figure out what I'm doing, and if you don't guess correctly then I get a prize. Sound fair? Good, because those are the rules and they aren't changing. You have exactly one minute to start guessing, and that minute starts...now!" said Draco while summoning a clock and levitating it in mid air. _::Tehehe this is almost as fun as jumping Harry!::_

"What the hell?! Oh, fine...Umm...you're trying to hex us into oblivion."

"Nope. 45 seconds."

"You're...trying to steal our raspberry jam because you ran out at your table."

"YOU HAVE RASPBERRY JAM?! Givi!!! Oh, and no. 20 seconds."

"WHAT THE HELL?! 5 SECONDS AGO YOU SAID I HAVE 45 SECONDS!!!"

"Oh, I did? Yeah well whatever. This clock is off. 10 seconds."

"Um..."

"9"

"Wait!"

"8"

"I'm thinking here!"

"Well that's a miracle if I've ever seen one. 7...no wait. 6 now"

"Argh!!!"

"5"

"Stupid ferret..."

"4"

"You're...um..."

"3."

"Oh! I know!"

"2"

"You're going to..."

"1"

"Attack Ha..."

"And zero! So sorry, but you lose. Now I get my prize," exclaimed Draco as he grabbed a still confused Harry and sprinted towards the door, tugging the stunned boy behind him. _::And now the best part! The great escape!::_

"Come ON Blaise! It's time to go!"

Blaise looked up from kissing Seamus while sitting in his lap as the shocked Gryffindors watched, enjoying the view. "Huh? Oh yeah! The whole kidnapping part. Right, forgot there for a second. Come on baby, we're going to kidnap you and take you to our common room so we can have our wicked way with you."

Draco rolled his eyes and continued dragging Harry towards the door. _::Some people just don't understand the concept of subtlety. Myself included. Oh well, this is still fun.::_

The blond looked back at the black haired boy he was pulling on. "You know, if you don't run faster I'm going to carry you."

"Huh?"

"Urgh!!! Fine! Be that way!" yelled Draco as he scooped the still very confused boy up into his arms bridal style (a/n: they do this a lot don't they? Tehehe). _::This is so much fun! I feel like we're escaping our wedding reception and going up to have a wicked sweet night of screwing like rabbits also known as our wedding night! Weeee!!! Happy thoughts!::_

And it was because of these happy thoughts that Draco managed to not notice the Great Hall doors slowly creak open and then blow forward forcefully in a very dramatic fashion. Of course this managed to hit the blond smack in the forehead, sending him careening backwards onto the floor with his burden also known as Harry Potter sprawling on top of him. _::Owww...why does this ALWAYS happen to me when I'm about to get laid by Harry? WHY?! WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS TORTURE?! On second thought, no one answer that.::_

"Ow! Jesus Christ! Who the hell opens the door like that?!"

A soft spooky feminine voice with a slight accent answered his rhetorical question. "I do." _::Woah...talk about spooksville. Ok who broke out of Hogsmeade cemetery and why are they haunting Hogwarts?::_

Draco looked up to see a tall, pale girl with blue eyes and dark blue hair pulled up into high, poofy pigtails dressed in a skin tight black leather dress that was accompanied with black fish net stockings and, you guessed it, black knee high leather boots. _::GAH! IT'S A GOTHIC GHOST! RUN AWAY!!!!::_

But before Draco could act on his escape urges, Topaz's voice echoed through the hall. "Ah, I see our guest came earlier than expected. Boys and girls, I would like you to meet my very good friend and partner in crime, Amadea de Lafyette."

A/n: Yes I know, I keep adding in weird characters, changing my writing style, and make Harry and Draco act crazier than the probably ever would. But what can I say? I like doing that. And just for the record my character Amadea is in the story for a reason, though will only be present in a few chapters. She is also based on a good friend of mine, Kit, so that's why she looks so weird. Tehehe sorry Kit, don't hurt me, ok? It's just that I usually don't have gothic characters in my fics. Anyway, it's time to respond to my favorite people in the whole wide world, my reviewers. I love ya guys!!!

Olean: Yay!!! I'm glad that this fic is getting to be your type of story, it's my type too. I mean, how can you NOT love crazy and slashy? It's just too good a combination. I hope you like this chapter as much as chapter 3!

Clarissa: Tehehehe don't die on me ok? You sound like you're hyperventilating. But that's ok, I do it all the time and I somehow don't die from suffocation. Tehehe. Yes, screwing the daylights out of each other is gross, but what can I say? I'm a pervy little slash fangirl who can't get enough of pervy humor. Hope you like this chapter too!

HieiSakeBaka: YAY!!! NIKKI FINALLY REVIEWED ME AGAIN!!!! And three times too at that. Tehe, love ya nikki! Hope ya review me again on your own free will or I'm just gonna have to nag you to do it again. Tehehe I'm so greedy, aren't I? Anyway, thank you SOO much on helping me with the story plot, but I changed part of it again so I'll tell you about it on aim soon.

Br Lr: Heya Bea! You know I can't tell you what Topaz is planning, that just wouldn't be fair! Tehehehehehehe but I can say this; if I manage to write chapter 6 right, then it'll be hella funny. OMG! How could they not have those books?! Ok then, you'll just have to go to Barnes and Noble, I know for a fact they have them there in the Teen section. If not then just go on Amazon, it's probably cheaper there anyway.


	6. The Halloween Dance

Disclaimer: Do ya see By Alex on the Harry Potter books? Well, that's cus I don't own them. So sorry, I wish I did though. If I did own HP, let's just say a certain Asian girl and a certain red headed girl would be blown up by now. No offence to Cho and Ginny fans, I just really don't like them. They're too stereotypical girly victims for my taste.

A/N: Ok I got 2 reviews, one from kit, which goes something along the lines of "stop making fun of me! you always make fun of me!", and one from my Chaos Girl Wya who only reviewed so she could get an mp3 from me, so I'm not bothering with review responses for this chappie. But I will say this to Wya and Kit. YOU GUYS ARE MY HEROS AND I LUV YA! In a non-lesbian way of course. Honestly, I wasn't expecting any reviews except from Kit, so while I'm a little disappointed I'm not surprised. Anyway, I'm hoping that you guys like this chapter better than the last, especially because not only is this one going to be a lot longer than the last ones, but it's also going to be one of the major turning points of this story. I can't say anything else or it'll spoil the surprise, but I will say that in this chapter you're going to find out just what Topaz, Amadea, Hermione, and one other person have been planning. And with no further ado, on with the fic!

_::Bla bla bla:: thoughts_ (I'm not sure how much longer this will continue though)

**:::Bla bla bla::: song lyrics**

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**:::When you walk away:::**

**:::You don't hear me say:::**

**:::Please, oh baby, don't go:::**

**:::Simple and clean is the way that you're making me feel tonight:::**

**:::It's hard to let it go:::**

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The next two days flew by faster than a speeding snitch in Harry's point of view and before the boy knew it, it was the morning of Halloween and the dynamic fashion duo of Gryffindor Tower, also known as Dean and Seamus, were quite literally throwing piece after piece of clothing from their trunks in order to design the perfect costume for Harry to wear. _::I can't believe I actually have to dress up for the dance. I haven't done that since...well, since never. And besides, isn't that an American tradition?::_

"Remind me again why I'm dressing up for this dance? And aren't costumes the American Halloween tradition, not British?" _::When in doubt, always speak thy thoughts. Uh oh, I really gotta get away from those Old English textbooks. They're doing murder on my English.::_

"Because it's part of the dress code for the Halloween Dance and who cares where costumes are from, they're hell fun!" replied Dean without looking up from his trunk. _::Urgh. Hmm...I wonder what Draco will go as? Ooh! Maybe he'll go as a french maid! Ooooooh, that'd be so cool. If he did then I could go as a gentleman and we could play Maid and Master! Wwwweeee!!!! But what if he didn't go as a maid? Hmm...maybe Dean and Seamus know.::_

"Hey do you guys know what D...Malfoy's going to be going as?" _::Wait, on second thought, this may not have been such a good idea. Questions usually lead to more questions these days.::_

"Why do you care what Malfoy is going as?!" asked Seamus, sticking his head up from out of his never ending trunk of clothing. _::See what I mean?::_

"No reason, I just don't want to end up being exactly the same as him, that's all." _::Muhaha, my wit has not yet failed me! I might yet live! Ok, why did I just add yet into both those thoughts? It sounds weird.::_

"Don't worry I know what he's going to be and you DEFINATELY aren't going to be the same as him. Similar, maybe, but not the same," stated Seamus firmly as he pulled out a see-through black shirt. "Hey Deany, where are those green leather pants I had? We need em for Harry's outfit." _::I wonder how he knows...oh yeah he's going out with Blaise. I knew that. Wait...leather...mmmm Draco in leather. Wait, he thought I'd look good in leather. YAY! GIVE ME THAT LEATHER!!::_

"GIVI THE LEATHER!!!!" _::Oooppppssssss::_

"Um Harry? You ok mate?" asked Dead worriedly as he handed over a pair of dark green leather pants to Seamus, who held them up to the shirt. _::Gaahhh::_

Harry laughed nervously. "Sorry about that, I just like leather, that's all." _::Yay! Witty comebacks rule the world!::_

"Uh huh, and this has nothing to do whatsoever with the comment from Malfoy about how he thinks you'd look good in leather, right?" _::GAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!:::_

"Ho..how?!" sputtered Harry as he continued to scream "gah" in his mind.

"Hello, earth to crazy gay boy Harry! We were sitting right behind you that day in Potions!" _::Huh? We were that loud?::_

"We were that loud?" _::As previously thought; when in doubt, speak thy thoughts.::_

"No, we were eavesdropping. But lets not dwell on the past, shall we? Lets get you looking sexy for the blondie!" stated Dean gleefully as he pulled out a pair of black leather boots with black silver buckles. _::Ooooooooooh pretty leather boots with shinies on them!::_

"Oooo. I like the boots. Now, remind me again what I'm supposed to be?" asked Harry as he examined the said boots. _::I like shiny things...::_

"Oh, nothing too special. Just a rock star," replied Seamus nonchalantly as he pulled out his wand. _::Shiny things remind me of Draco's hair...wait a second. Rock star? SWEET! Wait...something's not right here. Shirt; normal. Pants; not too normal but not weird. Boots; hella tight. Seamus' wand; normal. Wait...what's with the wand?::_

"Um...what are you going to do with the wand Seamus?" asked Harry fearfully as he hugged the boots to his chest. _::Meep...I don't like wands pointed at me. What if they poke out my eye, or go up my nose?!::_

"Your hair of course. Oh, and we're going to have to do something about those glasses, aren't we Dean?"

"You said it. Can't go to the dance looking like a sexy beast out of hell with those dorky things on your face. Now, lets begin." Dean giggled. "This is going to be so much fun!"

"Um guys? Wait...noooooo."

At this point Harry's fearful scream of "no" could be heard throughout the common room, making all who knew what the two fashion police were doing chuckle in knowledge.

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Once again time flew by Harry and it seemed like only two minutes had passed between Dean and Seamus finished dressing him up in his costume until he was on his way to the Great Hall. Or maybe two minutes really had only passed, because Dean and Seamus had spent literally the entire afternoon fixing up the Golden Boy.

"Hey guys? When exactly did you finish working on me?"

"Oh, about five minutes ago. Why?" asked Dean. _::I should have known::_

"You mean you spent from 11 to 6:45 dressing me up for a Halloween dance?!"

"Well duh! Any less time and we would have messed up your outfit!" _::Only they would do that. Oh well, the outfit is pretty cool.::_

Harry was not only sporting the black see-through sleeveless shirt, dark green leather pants that left very little to the imagination, and black leather boots, but now also had darkish green streaks running through his hair with bright silver tips. On top of that, Dean and Seamus had managed to permanently correct his vision so he no longer needed his "dorky" glasses, so to celebrate this happy occasion the fashion police that go by the name of Dean and Seamus decided to put outline his eyes with black eyeliner and apply dark red, almost black lipstick to his pouting mouth. And to complete the rock star from hell get up, Harry was now the proud owner of a wizard's tattoo of a ebony snake with a silver diamond on his back and green eyes that never seemed to want to be in the same spot on Harry's body for more than three seconds.

"I can't believe you guys know how to give tattoos," said Harry in wonderment as they approached the entrance to the Great Hall. _::The world is seemingly full of wonders. Dean and Seamus can give tattoos, Draco has become a complete sex god, and I'm making almost normal thoughts!::_

"Yeah well don't tell anyone about it yet. We're not really supposed to know how to do it, we came across the spell in a book at the library that we don't think was supposed to be there. So if you could keep the whole thing quiet for a little while..." whispered Seamus quickly as a group of Ravenclaw girls dressed originally as witches walked past. _::ooooh I know a secret! I know a secret! Woohoo!!!! Now, if I just knew how to get Draco to kiss me I'd be the happiest man alive...that and if he dressed as a mad groupie for my fake band.::_

"No problem, your secret is safe with me." _::Or is it...Muhahahahahahahhahahahaha::_

"Good. Ok, you ready for the adoring stares of everyone at this school?" asked Dean as he and Seamus, who were dressed as the fashion police, placed their hands on the giant doors, ready to fling them wide open for Harry's dramatic entrance.

Harry nodded. "Yeah. I'm ready." _::Teheheh this is so exciting! I wonder what Draco is?::_

Dean and Seamus smirked and flung the doors wide open, causing every student at Hogwarts to look at the new arrivals. Predictably, everyone's jaws fell to the floor while eyes popped out of their heads at the sight of the rock star from hell also known as Harry Potter. _::They look like fish out of water! Haha this is so great! Ok, now where is my little blondie? Oh blondie, where are you?::_

Just as Harry and the Fashion Police closed the doors and walked away from the entrance, the doors flew open again, only this time to reveal the giggling forms of a stripper, a French maid, and a pimp who formerly went by the names of Topaz, Amadea, and Blaise. But behind them was the real masterpiece. Hiding behind his cousin, her friend, and his friend stood none other than Draco Malfoy, dressed in knee high black boots over black fish net stockings, a black leather mini skirt, and a black and white top that strangely resembled a corset.

Lets just say that anyone who had survived Harry's entrance died of shock right then, and somehow managed to come back to life.

Harry gaped at the blond as he stalked behind the laughing teenagers in front of him. _::Oh my god...damn he looks good as a girl.::_

Dean and Seamus laughed beside him as Ron, dressed as a carrot and Hermione, dressed as a cat, made their way over. "Damn, I didn't think they would manage to get Malfoy to wear that outfit." _::Tehehehehehe::_

Ron looked over at Harry, who was giggling like a hormonal teenage girl who was about to meet a famous pop star. "What's so funny?"

"I KNEW he would look better in black leather than me!"

Ron then managed to not only choke, but fall flat on to his back and found on first hand what it meant to be a turtle. (a/n: in other words he couldn't get up. Tehehehe)

Hermione smirked in an all-knowing way. "Come on rock star, lets go sit down for a few minutes until the entertainment shows up." _::What? You mean Draco isn't going to give me a lapdance in front of everyone? Oh phoew.::_

Harry shrugged and followed his friend over to a small, round table off to the side of the newly added elevated dance floor. The table was strategically positioned so that the people sitting around it had a view of the dance floor as well as the large stage directly in front of the floor. The five teenagers sat down and ordered themselves fruit punch that was supposedly spiked from a passing house elf dressed up as a waiter. As they waited for their drinks the Gryffindors talked about the different costumes they saw from their table, and how ridiculously good-looking Draco looked in a black leather mini skirt.

"Do you know who he's supposed to be?" asked Ron. _:;Hmm...good question. It doesn't matter, he looks damn sexy as a girl and that's what's important.::_

"Christina Aguilera," stated Seamus matter-of-factly.

Hermione and Harry choked on air at this statement while Ron looked confused and Dean just snickered. "Wh..why?!" sputtered Hermione.

"I don't know. Blaise said something about a plan, but that's it. Who knows. They're Slytherins, they have weird habits. Like dressing up as Muggle pop stars." _::Wow, I never knew Draco could make that slut look hot. He's my one and only, I just know it!:: _(a/n: sorry to all christina fans, I personally don't like her so don't kill me.)

Suddenly the lights went down low, and a spotlight landed on the stage, illuminating Blaise Zabini. "Ladies and germs, it's my personal pleasure to welcome you to this year's Halloween Dance," he said magically magnifying his voice.

Seamus squealed. "That's my boyfriend!!"

Dean rolled his eyes. "Can it already, lover boy. We know!"

Harry failed at suppressing a snicker as Blaise continued. "For tonight's entertainment, we have the Hogwarts singing and dancing sensations. Born from rival houses only to become one with their incredible artistic abilities, I am proud to give you..." the Slytherin paused as a dramatic drum roll was sounded in the background. "Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy!"

Green eyes widened in shock as Harry's mouth gaped along with Seamus, Dean, and Ron. Hermione, however, sat in the back smirking a smirk that most definately rivaled Draco's. Across the hall said blond was in much the same state as Harry. Before either could fully realize what was going on, however, the Great Hall doors were flung open for the third time that night, to reveal none other than Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter. _::Gah!! I didn't know Draco and I had identical twins that have exactly our names!!::_

Dean started laughing nervously. "Ok, I think we just found out that those batches of Polyjuice Potion work."

Fake Draco walked up to the stage wearing exactly the same outfit as the real Draco, and took a mike from Blaise, who was smirking. Fake Draco's voice rang out over the hall, sounding identical to real Draco's. "Hello Hogwarts! I'm sure you all know who I am, but just to refresh your memory I am Draco Malfoy, Prince of Slytherin, and I am here tonight to entertain the masses of young witches and wizards gathered here tonight with the help of my so called rival Harry Potter, along with a few who will remain un-named at this moment. And with no further ado, let the music begin!"

With that cue a fast beat, hip-hop song began to play. After a few seconds of the strange notes, fake Draco began singing and whipping his long blonde hair from side to side while shaking his hips suggestively.

"My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard,

"and they're like,

"It's better than yours

"Damn right it's better than yours

"I can teach you,

"But I have to charge

"My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard,

"and they're like,

"It's better than yours

"Damn right it's better than yours

"I can teach you,

"But I have to charge"

Harry nearly fell out of his seat when he heard these lyrics. "How does he know this song!?" he yelled at the laughing Dean, Seamus, and Hermione. Ron was too shocked to say anything. The black haired boy was too busy staring at fake Draco with wide eyes that he missed Hermione look across the hall at Blaise Zabini and hold up three fingers. The Slytherin, who was also laughing at the equally shocked Draco nodded and continued enjoying the show.

Meanwhile, fake Draco continued his song.

"I know you want it,

"The thing that makes me

"What the guys go crazy for.

"They lose their minds

"The way I wind

"I think it's time

"La la-la, la la

"Warm it up

"Lala-lalala

"The boys are waiting."

"La la-la, la la

"Warm it up

"Lala-lalala

"The boys are waiting."

After this part in the song fake Draco began to move his hips in a way that made most of the girls dancing on the floor jealous while running his free hand up and down the right side of his body while the other held the mic to his lips. This dance continued for a moment before a loud "pop" echoed in the room and fake Draco Apparated right on top of Harry's table, where he continued his erotic dance.

"My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard,

"and they're like,

"It's better than yours

"Damn right it's better than yours

"I can teach you,

"But I have to charge

"I can see you're on it

"You want me to teach the

"Techniques that freaks these boys

"It can't be bought,

"Just know, thieves get caught

"Watch if you're smart

"My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard,

"and they're like,

"It's better than yours

"Damn right it's better than yours

"I can teach you,

"But I have to charge"

Harry was nearly falling out his seat drooling. _::I wonder if real Draco can do THAT move. Ahhh...getting a problem. BIG problem in the south seas. Gahhhh...::_

Fake Draco continued singing while smirking at the drooling real Harry. He then turned to real Draco, and sang the next verses while pointing at the shocked blond.

"Once you get involved

"Everyone will look this way, so

"You must maintain your charm

"Same time maintain your halo

"Just get the perfect blend

"Plus what you have within

"Then next his eyes are squint

"Then he's picked up your scent

"La la-la, la la

"Warm it up

"Lala-lalala

"The boys are waiting."

"La la-la, la la

"Warm it up

"Lala-lalala

"The boys are waiting.

"My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard

"And they're like

"It's better than yours

"Damn right it's better than yours

"I can teach you

"But I have to charge."

As the song dwindled away and fake Draco jumped off the table, somehow managing to keep his mini skirt from flying up, much to Harry's disappointment. Upon landing elegantly on the stage, the fake blond threw the mic to the approaching fake Harry, who caught it using his fake seeker skills. "Thanks, love," said fake Harry as he stepped up on to the stage. "Ok people! I think we've had enough of Draco strutting his stuff up here for now. Don't worry, you'll get more of that later. But for now I think we need a flash from the past."

On cue another fast beat song started up, though it was very different from the last one. Fake Harry began singing and dancing in much the same manner as fake Draco just had after about twenty seconds while pointing at a thunderstruck real Draco.

"One way or another I'm gonna get ya

"I'm gonna getcha, getcha, getcha, getcha

"One way or another I'm gonna win ya

"I'm gonna getcha, getcha, getcha, getcha

"One way or another I'm gonna see ya

"I'm gonna meetcha, meetcha, meetcha, meetcha

"One day, maybe next week

"I'm gonna meetcha, I'm gonna meetcha, I'll meetcha

"I will drive past your house

"And if the lights are all down

"I'll see who's around."

Harry glared at his imposter. _::GET AWAY FROM MY DRACO!! I DON'T CARE IF YOU LOOK LIKE ME! YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO HIT ON MY BLONDIE!!!!!!::_

Fake Harry glanced at real Harry and smirked, then turned back to the now-drooling real Draco and started walking off stage and towards the blonde's table while continuing his song.

"One way or another I'm gonna find ya

"I'm gonna getcha, getcha, getcha, getcha

"One way or another I'm gonna win ya

"I'll getcha, I'll getcha

"One way or another I'm gonna see ya

"I'm gonna meetcha, meetcha, meetcha, meetcha

"One day, maybe next week

"I'm gonna meetcha, I'll meetcha

Having reached the Slytherin's table, fake Harry practically threw himself onto the real Draco's lap and began dragging his hands up and down the blonde's chest.

This, of course, caused real Harry to turn green with jealousy. _::THAT IS SUPPOSED TO BE ME DAMNIT!!!!!!::_

Hermione laughed and put her hand on her friend's shoulder. "Don't worry Harry. They don't mean any of this for real," she reassured him.

Harry just pouted as the fake Harry continued his song while straddling a shocked yet drooling Draco.

"And if the lights are all out

"I'll follow your bus downtown

"See who's hanging out

"One way or another I'm gonna lose ya

"I'm gonna give you the slip, a slip of the lip or another

"I'm gonna lose ya, I'm gonna trick ya

"One way or another, I'm gonna lose ya

"I'm gonna trick ya, trick ya, trick ya, trick ya

"One way or another I'm gonna lose ya

"I'm gonna give you the slip

"I'll walk down the mall

"Stand over by the wall

"Where I can see it all

"Find out who ya call

"Lead you to the supermarket checkout

"Some specials and rat food, get lost in the crowd

Harry watched as real Draco's grey eyes halfway closed as he bit his lip to suppress a moan, and turning his head to the left found himself locked in a staring contest with his glaring emerald eyes from across the hall. _::I CAN'T BELIEVE I'm not the one doing that to him. Grrr it's not fair. I love him so much, I should be the one making him look like that! Wait, love?!::_

Fake Harry noticed that real Draco's attention was no longer on him, so he slid gracefully off the blonde's lap and strutted back to the stage, still shaking his hips around much in the same way fake Draco had early.

"One way or another I'm gonna getcha, I'll getcha, I'll getcha, getcha, getcha, getcha,

"Where I can see it all, find out who ya call

"One way or another I'm gonna getcha, I'll getcha, I'll getcha, getcha, getcha, getcha,

"Where I can see it all, find out who ya call

"One way or another I'm gonna getcha, I'll getcha, I'll getcha, getcha, getcha, getcha,

"Where I can see it all, find out who ya call"

After those lyrics were sung the fake Harry stepped up onto the stage and turned to the dancing Hogwarts students. "Boys and girls, I'm sad to say that this will be our last for the night, but don't worry, we have other volunteer, and some forced, singers that will be coming up after we leave."

While fake Harry was addressing the students, fake Draco walked up onto the stage as well and stood next to his partner in crime with another mic in hand. "By now you have probably guessed that we are in fact not the real Harry Potter and real Draco Malfoy. As sad as that is, we're going to let you take some wild guesses on who were really are while we sing our final number, which goes out to Harry and Draco."

"We hope you enjoyed our little performance, and with no further ado, we sing Chained to You," continued fake Harry as another song started up.

Fake Harry then began singing first, looking at fake Draco with seductive eyes and making equally seductive hand and body gestures.

"We were standing all alone

"You were leaning in to speak to me

"Acting like a mover shaker

"Dancing to Madonna then you kissed me

"And I think about it all the time

"Sweet temptation rushed all over me

"And I think about it all the time

"Passion, desire so intense I can't take it anymore because

"I feel the magic all around you

"It's bringing me to my knees

"Like a wannabe

"I've got to be chained to you."

Fake Draco smirked and began strutting closer to fake Harry. Once he got close to the fake raven-haired boy he began rubbing his thin, leather-clad body up against the other boy's as he began to sing.

"And when you look into my eyes

"Felt a sudden sense of urgency

"Fascination casts a spell and

"You became more than just a mystery

"And I think about you all the time

"Is this fate is it my destiny

"That I think about you all the time

"I no longer pretend to have my hands on the wheel because

"I feel the magic all around

"It's bringing me to my knees

"Like a wannabe

"I've got to be chained to you."

Right as fake Draco fell to his knees in front of fake Harry, Hermione and Blaise stood up simultaneously and grabbed the real Draco and real Harry by the hand and began dragging them into the center of the dance floor.

Fake Harry began singing again. "And I think about it all the time

"Yeah I think about it all the time,"

Fake Draco leaned back on his heels, exposing his chest to fake Harry and sang. "Tell me its madness, I barely know you

Fake Harry knelt forward so close to fake Draco that their faces were just inches apart from each other. "We were standing all alone

"You were leaning in to speak to me"

"Ten steps back you're still a mystery," sang fake Draco while real Draco and Harry continued to be dragged to the center of the floor.

"Acting like a mover shaker

"Dancing to Madonna then you kissed me

"I can't take anymore because"

Suddenly real Harry and Draco felt the firm grips on their wrists release and found themselves standing directly in front of one another. Harry's eye's widened in shock at the slightly flushed looking blond, knowing that he probably looked exactly the same. _::Oh my god...he looks so...hot. I wonder if he thinks I look hot too. Hell, I wonder if he knows how much my feelings toward him have changed in the past two months. I wonder if he knows I might be in love with him.::_

Both fake Harry and Draco were now singing, but they no longer held the attention of the originals.

"I feel the magic all around you

"It's bringing me to my knees

"Like a wannabe

"I've got to be chained to you

"Tell me it's madness

"I barely know you

"I feel the magic all around you

"It's bringing me to my knees

"Like a wannabe

"I've got to be chained to you"

The music continued on in the background, but Harry and Draco were too mesmerized by each others' eyes to notice. Harry's mouth opened slightly as he gazed longingly into Draco's silvery eyes, still slightly clouded in passion. _::Those eyes...I could really get lost in them.::_

Harry gasped in shock as he saw an emotion that he had only seen distilled in one other person before come into Draco's eyes as the blonde's hand reached out to stroke the other boy's face gently. _::Oh god...that look...that's how Sirius looked at me when I said that I didn't blame him for my parents' death! He...he loves me. Oh god...::_

Tears filled in Harry's emerald eyes as he looked down at his boot-clad feet. "I'm sorry..." he muttered just loud enough for the other boy to hear before he took off running out of the Great Hall, leaving a very confused and saddened blond standing alone in the dance floor.

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A/n: Tehehehehe. I love karaoke fics. Damn this is the longest chapter in this fic by far. Oh well. The longer the better, right? Teheheheheheheheheehehehe. Ok, this really is the turning point of the fic, if you didn't know that already, and next chapter you will all find out the answer to why Harry freaked and ran (though it is pretty obvious) and what will happen between Draco and Harry. Now, if you want to get to chapter 7 I will need REVIEWS! REVIEWS! REVIEWS! Pretty please? And speaking of reviews...THANK YOU BEA AND BEA'S FRIEND LAUREN FOR REVIEWING WHILE I WAS HALFWAY THROUGH THIS CHAPTER!! You guys are my heroes. Just like Kit and Wya. Tehehe. Anyway, I'll see you guys next chapter after you review.


	7. Nothing Will Ever Be The Same Again

Disclaimer: Ha I wish I owned Harry Potter. Then I could make the characters do naughty things to each other. Cue evil laughter with thunder and lightening in the background! Muhahahahahahahaha

A/n: Yay!!! I got reviews!!!! I'm so happy, tehe. Because I'm in a good mood (I got 2 reviews for this fic and another today. Always makes me happy) I'm gonna answer the reviews up here. Don't know if that's good or bad, but that's ok! Also, IMPORTANT! Rating has been upped for certain scenes in this chapter as well as the next 3. You will see another warning before the scene, so you have been warned. Now to reviewer responses!

USAcat: Tehehehe I agree, even I'M frustrated with myself for not getting to the screwing faster, but I'm trying to restrain myself from having them confess their undying love to one another in the second chapter. I'm glad you love my fic so far, and don't worry, I don't think you're being rude at all. Also, I'm really sorry about not answering your fic in the last chapter, you just got the e-mail alert thing literally 5 minutes after I posted chapter 6.

Shinigami Amadea: MUHAHAHA I KNOW YOUR PEN NAME NOW KIT!!!!! Tehe. It's not my fault you never told it to me before. Lol yes yes yes go you, you got to dress up as a french maid and give blondie a lap dance. Even though I wanted to do that part, but I figure Draco is different from Tom Felton, so he ain't my cutie. YET. You still don't get him. Teheheheheheh I'm so evil. I AM updating! Sheesh, bossy bossy bossy.

Br Lr: Tehehehehehehehehehe I like that part too. Lol, you SHOULD feel special, cus you are. Plus you make me feel special whenever you review, so it's all good. Lol. Tehehe yeah but that can't be any worse than mixing dr. pepper, coke, and mountain dew. Now THAT is how you get hyper. Tehehe I'm updating Lauren!!

Lain-Iris: Tehehehe yeah he's sorry. You'll see why in this chapter though, and I can promise at this moment that they're gonna kiss. Muhahahahaha. Tehehe yay!!! My mission was to get everyone to laugh out loud, so it was a success. Oops, didn't mean to get your parent's mad though. If it makes you feel any better my mom thinks I'm insane cus I always laugh at fics too and there was this one time where my bro started stomping around saying "I'm not a dustbomb!" while my mom and I were trying to get him to go to bed after mom called him a dustbomb, so I started jumping up and down screaming "Yes you are now go to bed dustbomb!" If you have siblings and want your parents to think you're crazy then try that sometime, it's guaranteed to work. Tehehe.

And now the moment we've all been waiting for! THE FIC!!!!!!!! Duh duh duh dduuhhhh.

A/N II: Tell me at the end of this chapter that these song lyrics don't match the situation perfectly. Come on, you know you wanna tell me that.

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_::bla bla bla:: thoughts_

**:::song lyrics:::**

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**:::Hold me:::**

**:::Whatever lies beyond this morning:::**

**:::Is a little later on:::**

**:::Regardless of warnings the future doesn't scare me at all:::**

**:::Nothing's like before:::**

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Silver eyes watched the lithe form of the fleeing raven-haired boy in shock. _::What...what just happened? That look in his eyes...I know he feels more for me than just lust. How come he ran then? And why the hell did he say "I'm sorry?!"?! Oh my god...what if he's having an elicit affair with Weasel!?!?! Gaahh bad thoughts there.::_

Draco's bad thoughts were interrupted by Blaise hitting him upside the head and Hermione elbowing him sharply in the side. "Ow!!! What's with all the abuse here!? If you didn't notice already I'm suffering severe mental shock!" exclaimed Draco.

"Put a sock in it Drama Queen. What are you doing!? You're letting him get away!" shouted Blaise in the blonde's ear. _::I may be in shock and feel like crap because I just lost my one opportunity to kiss the love of my life, but I am NOT deaf!::_

"Look Zabini. I may be in shock and feel like crap because I just lost my one opportunity to kiss the love of my life, but I am NOT deaf!" _::Oh there I go again. Speaking my thoughts. I REALLY have to stop doing that. Speaking of speaking, what if I said something to make Harry run away...wait. Did I even say anything at all? I don't think I did...gah I'm confused.::_

"If Harry's the love of your life then why the fuck aren't you running after him?!" screamed Hermione in frustration.

Draco's eyes grew wide in shock, again. "Did you just SWEAR Granger?!" _::It's the end of the world as we know it! Hey, isn't that a song?::_

"So what if I did? It doesn't matter. Go after him you idiot!!!!! I will not let your incompetence ruin our perfect plan!" _::It's the end of the world as we know it, it's the end of the...wait a second. Plan? What plan? And how come I wasn't the mastermind behind it?::_

"Plan? What plan?"

"STOP ASKING QUESTIONS AND GO AFTER HARRY! NOW!!!" _::Meep::_

"Meep! Yes Ma'am!" _::Damn frizzy lady's scary when she's pissed.::_

Blaise grinned from ear to ear as he pushed Draco towards the door. "Go get em Tiger."

Draco grinned back nervously before running out of the hall. "Thanks, I'll try," he yelled behind his shoulder as he sprinted off in search of Harry.

After five minutes of running in random directions, Draco stopped to lean against a nearby wall, panting hard. Looking around, the Slytherin discovered that he was only about a corridor or two away from Gryffindor Tower. _::Hmm...I don't think he'd be there, unless of course he REALLY didn't want me to talk to him. Gah I have no idea where he'd be!!!!! Who am I kidding? I might as well give up now.::_

Shoulders hunched and head down, Draco sank down to sit on the floor, back still resting against the wall. A single tear leaked out of the corner of one silver eye, which he abruptly brushed away. "Why?" he whispered to the empty corridor. "Why won't you let me find you, Harry? Why do I have to fall in love with you of all people? Why?!"

"I can't answer that last one, but I do know how you can find him," came a deep voice to his left.

Draco jumped quickly to his feet, hand on his wand. "Who's there?!" he shouted.

Out of the shadows stepped the last person he'd imagine, Kanno. The said Japanese DADA professor was shaking his head, smiling and chuckling at the pale boy. "Mr. Malfoy, you act as though you'd seen a vampire."

Grey eyes narrowed. "What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be in Hawaii?"

The man snickered softly. "I do not bode well in bright places. I thought you of all people would know that."

"Yes, I figured out your little condition a while ago. I don't know what you're planning to do with my cousin, or why you were allowed to teach here in the first place, but I do not intend to reveal your secret just yet. However, I do want to know what you're really doing right now and how you know how to find Harry." _::Hey, I might as well get something out of this, besides getting the scare of my life that is. Damn that guy's creepy. Pretty good looking, but still creepy.::_

At the last statement, Kanno whipped out a worn piece of paper from the insides of his cloak. "An old friend of mine gave this to me last year. Your beloved Mr. Potter doesn't even know if its existence, however he does know how it works, as he has a replica of it," stated the pale man as he pulled out his wand, and tapped the paper. "I solemnly swear I am up to no good."

Draco raised an eyebrow at this. "What the hell?"

"That is the phrase the Marauders used to keep this little map of theirs a secret from the rest of the student body forty years ago. Here, it shows everyone in the castle and where they are. It's quite handy, actually. Once you find Mr. Potter, who, I might add, appears to be huddled up at the Astronomy Tower near the window, you simply say 'Mischief managed', and the map will disappear," explained Kanno as he handed over the map to the blond.

Sure enough, a black dot labeled 'Harry Potter' was positioned in the Astronomy Tower, not moving, while two dots labeled 'Kami Kanno' and 'Draco Malfoy' were standing exactly where the two were at that moment. _::Wow...this is !!!::_

"You're telling me Harry has a copy of this?"

"Well, of course. His father was one of the Marauders, so therefore he is almost entitled to it," stated Kanno matter-of-factly.

"Thank...thank you Professor," said Draco, gratefully.

"Don't mention it. Really, don't. I'm not supposed to give it to a student, they could use it to prowl around at night, if you catch my drift," replied the man with a wink. "Good luck, Mr. Malfoy," he whispered as he drifted back into the shadows, disappearing completely in a matter of seconds.

Draco stood looking at the spot where the professor once was, dumbfounded, then sprinted up to the Astronomy Tower.

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Ten minutes later found the blond leaning once again against a wall, attempting to catch his breath, and the hyperactive butterflies in his stomach, before pushing the door (a/n: I don't remember if there's a trap door or a door to the Astronomy Tower, so if this is wrong I'm sorry.) open. _::Ok Draco, you can do this. You're the man, you're the man. Oh, who am I kidding? I can't do this!! What if he thinks I'm ugly?! What if he was just teasing me, and the whole thing was some big joke? Well, if it is a joke then I'm going to find out the punch line, NOW!::_

After that last thought Draco practically threw open the door, which swung forward to reveal, shockingly, Harry Potter, hugging his knees and shaking, his back facing the Slytherin. _::Oh my god...he's crying. No, don't cry!! I might cry too!::_

Draco walked tentatively towards the distraught boy. Once he was about a foot away from him, he sank to his knees beside Harry, not knowing what to do. When Harry acknowledge his presence, the blond slowly put a hand on his shoulder, causing his head to fly up and wide, slightly red emerald eyes to snap open to see who disturbed him. Recognizing who the trespasser was, Harry pulled away sharply and tried to shuffle away from Draco.

The blond pulled himself out of his shocked state and roughly grabbed the retreating boy's arm, something he should have done at the Great Hall thirty minutes before. "Why are you running?" he asked softly.

Harry looked away, tears still flowing down his cheeks. "Because...you...you care about me."

Draco practically fell backwards at this statement. "That's why?!"

The Gryffindor nodded slowly.

The blond smiled slightly, chuckling softly. "That is a horrible reason to run, you know that right?"

Harry pouted at this, sniffing slightly. "No it's not! It's perfectly logical."

"And why is that?"

Emerald eyes looked down to the floor. "Because everyone who I care about or who cares about me ends up getting hurt," whispered Harry softly as tear drops once again fell from his eyes to meet the cold, grey stone below them.

Tears began filling Draco's own eyes as he saw the look of complete sadness on the other boy's face. Leaning forward slightly, he wrapped his long arms around the boy, pulling them into a loose embrace. Harry started to sob as he felt the blonde's arms entwine themselves around him, and he threw himself forward into those welcoming arms, shaking and sobbing into the Slytherin's chest. Salty tears began to fall from silvery eyes in sync with the ones falling from Harry's emerald ones as Draco buried his face in the Gryffindor's silky black hair, holding the boy close to him. Kissing the top of his head while inhaling the other boy's scent of vanilla and mahogany, Draco whispered so softly that Harry barely heard him, "I won't let myself get hurt because of my love for you."

Harry's body stopped shaking slightly, and he looked up at the crying blond. "Wh...what?" he hiccupped.

Draco sniffed and smiled sadly at him while gently wiping away a tear from the Gryffindor's upper cheek. "I said I won't let myself get hurt because of my love for you."

"You...you love me?"

The blond blushed slightly as he nodded. Harry's eyes shone brightly, but this time there were no tears. "You do? You really do? You're not joking around?"

Draco chuckled at the boy's enthusiasm. "You act like no one's ever told you that they love you."

Harry looked down. "Well, only one person really has, but they...they died a while ago," he said sadly as another tear rolled down his cheek.

Draco leaned forward and kissed the stray tear off the boy's cheek. "Who was it?"

"Sir...Sirius Black."

This time Draco literally fell over. "You were having an affair with the man that killed your parents?! How crazy are you Harry?!"

The said boy laughed loudly at this. "You idiot!! He was my godfather, and he didn't kill my parents, Voldemort did that, and Peter Pettigrew betrayed them, not Sirius."

Draco looked up at the grinning boy above him. "Oh. Gotcha. That's still pretty weird though, isn't it?"

Harry cocked his head to one side. "What is?"

"Well for one thing, I've seen Pettigrew before, and I can't believe he'd actually be able to even tell the Dark Lord where your family was, because that man _never_ stops stuttering. I'm not kidding! He doesn't! It's always 'ye...ye...yes...my...my...lo...lord.' It's practically impossible to understand a word he says," stated Draco.

Harry laughed again at Draco's very accurate impression of Peter, causing Draco to smile as he got off his back. "What are you smiling about?" asked the Gryffindor, still laughing.

"Your laughter. You've never done that before because I've said."

Harry stopped laughing, but kept on smiling like a lunatic. "No, I guess I haven't."

Draco blushed. "It...it's really beautiful. This about the cheesiest thing I could possibly say, but it sounds like angels singing."

Harry's grin turned into a smirk. "You know, you look really cute right now."

Draco's blush deepened from pink to bright red.

Leaning in closer so that his lips were mere millimeters away from the other boy's, Harry whispered seductively, "In fact, you're so cute right now I could just kiss you."

Draco's breath caught in his throat at the other boy's tone and the look of pure lust in the emerald eyes directly across from his own silver ones. "Well, are you going to do something about that or are you just going to talk about it?" he asked hesitantly.

Harry smirked as he began leaning forward again. "Oh, I'm definately doing something about it," he replied as he captured the blonde's lips with his own.

Stars shone behind Draco's closed eyes as he felt Harry's lips upon his own, only to transform into red and blue fireworks when the tip of the other boy's tongue came out to tentatively lick his lower lip, asking for entrance. The blond readily opened his mouth to allow the tongue into his mouth, moaning at the feeling of it tangling in mouth his own as they explored each other's mouths.

When the two new lovers pulled away from one another, panting for air, Draco's heart couldn't help but flutter at the sight of Harry, with his normally messy hair even more dishevelled than usual, face flushed, and red lips swollen. Wrapping his arms around the raven-haired boy's neck and leaning back a little to survey him, the blond stated, "I may look really cute right now, but you look drop dead gorgeous."

A/n: MAJOR MAKEOUT SCENE!! Reason for rating going up, so if that stuff makes you squeemish then DO NOT read until you see the "x's". You have been warned.

Harry leaned forward to nip lightly at an exposed neck, causing the Slytherin to moan loudly. "Well, then. I think that being drop dead gorgeous gives me rights to do this," he replied as he pushed Draco so that he was lying on his back looking up at Harry, eyes wide. The boy leaned forward so that he was propped up on his elbows, body lying sprawled over the blonde's, and began slowly lifting up the corset-like shirt. He snickered at a memory. "I can't believe you managed to make Christina Aguilera look sexy," he said after he had pulled the shirt off and began exploring the boy's chest.

Draco gasped and panted as he felt fingers brush against his nipples. "It wasn't...oooh...a very easy feat," he managed to say as his hands grasped at black locks when Harry's tongue came out to softly lick at one slowly-hardening nub. "I...ahh...spent two hours...oh my _god_ do that again...transfiguring the clothes and then...yeah that...having Topaz, Blaise, and that girl Amadeo do my makeup."

"Then I suppose you should be rewarded for all your hard work," replied Harry slyly as his hands ran up and down a well-muscled stomach, sending shoots of electricity up Draco's spine. When the blond arched his back gracefully into the boy's touches as they reached his chest again, Harry wrapped his arms around his waist and pulled the blond up into a passion-filled kiss, during which Draco pulled his black shirt off of his head.

The moment the shirt was off the two boys pulled themselves even closer together, making it nearly impossible for even air to slide in between them. Pulling away again once oxygen became a necessity, Harry moaned loudly when he felt Draco's tongue slide from his strong jaw line, down his shuddering throat, to his sculpted chest. When the wet tongue reached his right nipple, the boy unconsciously ground his hips into the blonde's, causing them both to moan at the friction between their erections. Gasping, Harry pushed Draco back and began fiddling with the boy's mini skirt. "As much as I would love to have good old fashioned foreplay for our first time, I really don't think either of us will last very long," he said as he pulled the skirt down past Draco's ankles and tossed it in an unknown corner, then yanked the his boots and stockings off as well, seeing as the blond had chosen to go commando that night.

The moment his costume was off Draco quickly yanked at the Gryffindor's pants and boots as well. Once Harry was naked before him the blond wrapped his pale legs around the other's waist, gripping his shoulders. "Harry..." he breathed softly.

A worried expression took over the boy's features. "Are you sure, Draco?"

The blond moaned. "Yes...Harry...I want you inside me...now!"

Harry's only response was to moan and mutter a quick lubrication spell. Carefully, he slid one slick finger into Draco, causing him to gasp and writhe before the boy. Quickly he prepared the blond by adding another finger and creating scissor-like motions, before he pulled his fingers out only to replace them with his painfully-cock. "Are you ready, love?" he whispered.

Draco groaned. "Yes! Just do it, Harry!" he practically shrieked.

After that moment both boys found themselves completely lost to the rest of the world. All they knew was the feeling of the other against them, and their only thoughts were that they must have died and gone to heaven.

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(a/n: Ok you squeamish people can look now)

An hour later the two boys lay together, lust momentarily slicked. Draco was leaning on his right arm over Harry, softly tracing his name with his finger on the other boy's chest. "You know what, love?"

"Hmmmm?"

"That I was completely right when I said you'd look good in leather."

Harry just laughed and pulled himself closer to the blond, kissing him chastely on the lips.

Draco;s last thoughts were 'This is so wrong, but I don't care. I don't care what my father will do once he finds out about us. I don't care if Voldemort might kill me for this forbidden romance. One day, I'll care. But not now. Now, I just want to be with Harry,' before he found himself swept away in the waves of passion that were beginning to rock his body once again.

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A/n: Wow, that was pretty fluffy. Tehe, sorry 'bout that, but I needed to do it. Otherwise the fic just wouldn't work out. Hope you liked this chapter of Simple and Clean, and to Kit, sorry I didn't have you and Oliver making out, that'll be in the next chapter I promise, this one kinda got away from me. So, you guys know what to do. Just hit that little button labelled Submit Review and tell me what you thought about this chapter! Also, don't worry, the mahem and chaos and all that good stuff will be back again in the next chapter. Pretty please review!


	8. Sex God, Meet Sex Kitten

Disclaimer: Muhahahahaha I own them! I own Draco and Harry!!!!!!!

Random people: ::glaring at authoress::

Ddc: Ok I don't really. But in my own little world I do and they're shagging like bunnies right now. MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

A/n: Hope everyone liked the last chapter, and if you didn't and you prefer the more chaotic ones over the sentimental mushy scenes, then do your own version of Blaise's happy dance cus this chapter has chaos again! YAY! Oh and just for future reference, Blaise's happy dance is really my happy dance, he's just borrowing it at the moment. Anyway, time to get on with the reviewer responses and then the fic! Also, the rating has (obviously) been upped from PG-13 to R, because of the last chapter. If that wasn't obvious before, then I hope it is now.

Kit: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who DOESN'T wanna make out with Oliver?! The actor that places him is almost as freakin' hot as Tom Felton for crying out loud!!!!

Shinigami Amadea: Heya again Kit! Hahahahahahah I'm digging your p.s. there. Gah I really need to stop listening to Milkshake and Get Low, it's ruining my sophisticated speech. Stop snorting right now, we've already had this conversation.

Love of Wind: SHIDA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'VE MISSED YA!!!!!!!! Tehehe. Of course they're OOC, everything I write has the characters ooc. Tehe. Talk to you via e-mail soon and review again please! It makes me feel special and loved. CHICKENS RULE THE WORLD!! Random comment of the day award goes to...DDC!!! Yayyyy.

Silverfox16: YAY!!! SHIRA REVIEWED TOO!!! ::sniffs:: I feel so loved. Tehe. Gotta love British slang/swearing. Is bloody considered a swear word in Britain? I'm giving ya more more and more, but you gotta review again girl, AND UPDATE YOUR FIC ALREADY!!!!

Br Lr: Tehehe yay! Someone who likes the fluff!!! And another person who thinks it's funny!! Tehe I'm happy now. Almost as happy as I am about Spanish Boy.

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_::bla bla bla::_ Thoughts

**:::Bla bla bla::: **song lyrics

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**:::When you walk away:::**

**:::You don't hear me say:::**

**:::Please oh baby, don't go:::**

**:::Simple and clean is the way that you're making me feel tonight:::**

**:::It's hard to let it go:::**

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Harry woke to three very strange feelings attacking his body.

Feeling Number 1: There was something hard and cold that eerily resembled a stone floor under him that was very uncomfortable to lie upon.

Feeling Number 2: There seemed to be a sticky substance on his stomach.

Feeling Number 3: There were long things that felt like arms wrapped around his waist, pulling him up against a VERY comfortable body behind him.

Blinking his brilliant emerald eyes to clear them from post-wakening mist, the brilliant Boy-Who-Lived contemplated this strange situation. _::Hmmm...this is weird. Why am I sticky and sleeping on a floor with a random person behind me? And why is it so freaking cold?!::_

Harry looked around him to see that he was in fact in the Astronomy Tower very much devoid of the necessary articles of clothing one usually needs to comfortably sleep in. _::Why am I naked?! Gaahhh so confusing...Wait. Did I just say that there was a random person behind me? Hmmm...this is a mystery. Ooh! I could be like Sherlock Holmes!!! Or James Bond! Tehe. I'm a cool detective/spy now! Muhaha. Ok...first things first...figure out who is behind me.::_

Humming the James Bond theme song underneath his breath, Harry rolled so that he could face the "random" person behind him. Of course his eyes became dinner plates when he was greeted with the adorable sight of Draco sleeping next to him, lips curled slightly in a small smile. Harry sighed happily. _::Ooooh, now I remember. Awwwwww he's so cute when he sleeps!!!!! Almost as cute as he is in real life. Ok Harry, think. What would Sherlock Holmes or James Bond do in a situation like this? Well, Sherly would probably whip out his trust magnifying glass and examine Cutie for fingerprints, and James Bond would wake him up with a mind-blowing kiss. Hmmm...which to chose which to chose... definitely James Bond solution.::_

And Harry proceeded in kissing the living daylights out of Draco, which, of course, woke him up right away.

Once the raven-haired boy pulled away, Draco snickered slightly. "Nice to see you too, love."

Harry grinned like a madman: _::He called me love! WEEEEE!!!!!::_

Draco raised an eyebrow. "What's got you so happy? As I see it there are two reasons; my devilish good looks, or the fact that I'm naked." _::Wrong lover boy. But you're right, you ARE freakin' hot.::_

"Wrong lover boy. But you're right, you are freakin' hot right now." _::Speakest thou thoughts Harry. I could be the new Shakespeare! Muha, I'm special.::_

"Ok fine then. Why are you so happy?" _::Tehe.::_

"Because you called me love." _::Double tehe::_

"Is that it?" _::Nope. Triple tehe::_

"Nope. I have a new name." _::Quadruple tehe::_

"Oh really. What is it?" _::What comes after quadruple?::_

"Just call me Bond...Bond Bond." _::Gotta love spoofs on Muggle spy movies::_

Draco fell over and hit his head hard against the stone at this, leaving Harry giggling insanely.

After a moment, Harry poked the now unconscious blond. "Come on Blondie!! Get up, we gotta go to breakfast! This spy is hungry." _::And being a spy I automatically get to wear suits...ok that made absolutely no sense.::_

Draco opened his grey eyes only to roll them at his lover. "You are clinically insane. You know that, right?" _::Lalalalalalalalalala::_

"Of course I am. I'm in love with you, aren't I?" _::Singing is fun!!! Lalalalalalalalalala::_

"Hey I resent that last bit you know." _::Sure ya do. Lalalalala::_

"Sure you do. Lalalalalala." _::Oops...that probably didn't make too much sense did it.::_

"Why are you singing?"

"Because I'm clinically insane." _::Hey, it's the truth.::_

The Slytherin rolled his eyes and stood up to search for his discarded clothes, aware of the emerald orbs staring twin holes into his ass. Turning around, he smirked at the drooling boy. "See something you like?" he asked, snickering slightly.

"Hell yeah. Get over here you sex god." _::Gaaahhh he's hot!::_

Draco sauntered leisurely over to Harry, and sat himself down in his lap. "Oh, so we've now decided that I really am the man of this relationship and you're the girl."

Harry blinked at him. "Huh?" _::Harry is very confused at the moment...Little Harry isn't though...Maybe I should listen to him::_

Draco smirked. "Well, sex god's are boys...and since you're a kinky sex kitten, that means you're the girl and I'm the guy. So get on your back and start moaning," he stated as he pushed Harry down to the floor again. _::Ooooohh...I get it now...HEY!::_

"Hey!!!! That's not fair!!!!" _::Wwwhhhaaa I don't wanna be a girl...::_

"Oh stop whining, I was sub last time. It's YOUR turn now. Muhahahahahahahahahaha..." _::Interesting...::_

"You sound like the Wicked Witch from the West when you do that," stated Harry as Draco began running his hands down his sides. _::Mmm that feels good::_

"So I've been told. Now shush, you're distracting me." _::Tehe.::_

"Fine then. No moaning. Gotcha." _::Tehe I win::_

"What?! No, you can moan! Just no talking." _::Loser! Loser! With a capital L!::_

"Nope that's not what you said. You said 'shush'. That means no sounds. So no moaning." _::I love winning.::_

Draco smirked again. "I'd like to see you last 5 minutes without moaning," he stated as he nipped lightly at the base of Harry's neck. _::Gah!!! Warning! Warning! Victory is no longer in sight!::_

"Noooooooooo...."

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One hour later found a grinning Draco and a sulking Harry wandering towards the Great Hall. "I love winning!" cheered Draco as he practically skipped down the hall.

Harry snorted and crossed his arms. "Whatever." _::I hate losing.::_

"Oh, what was that babe? Are you upset because you lost? Because you're a loser? Loser with a capital 'L'?" he replied in a sing-song voice. _::And this is why::_

"Stop gloating already! It's annoying," grumbled Harry as he walked faster. _::Grrrrr.::_

"Don't be such a sore LOSER babe, it doesn't suit you," snickered Draco. _::T...I...Double GRRRRR...Rrr...::_

"If you don't stop bragging I won't kiss you for a week," replied Harry as they got closer to the doors. _::Not that I really mean that...tehe.::_

"You don't mean that..." _::No I don't...but you don't know that. Tehehe.::_

"Oh yes I do."

"I think you don't."

"I'm pretty sure I do."

"Uh huh."

"You got it."

Draco pushed himself up against Harry's body quickly, slamming the raven-haired Gryffindor into the wall behind him. "Really," he purred as he seductively rubbed his own body against the other boy's. _::Gah I hate it when he does that. Actually, I don't. But that's ok.::_

"Really, really," replied Harry slightly breathlessly. _::I have a bad feeling about this...::_

"Hmm...well I'd better just remind you of what you'd be missing," stated Draco as he pressed his lips into Harry's, bringing them into a passion-filled kiss. _::Mmmm...what was I thinking before?::_

Draco slipped his pale hand into Harry's robes and under his grey shirt to stroke his muscled stomach lightly, never hesitating in his kisses. _::Oh who cares?! This is fuuunnnn::_

"HOLY SHITOKI MUSHROOMS!!!"

The two boys tried to fly apart at the shriek behind them, but seeing as Draco's hand was still up Harry's shirt all that ended up happening was the blond jumping backwards, bringing the Gryffindor flying at him, knocking them both to the ground. _::If this wasn't so embarrassing it'd be funny.::_

Harry looked sheepishly up at a gaping Ron and smirking Hermione. "Hey you guys, what's up?" _::I'm so dead...::_

"Nothing much Harry, just going down for a spot of breakfast. Have a good night last night, did you?" asked Hermione cheerfully. _::Yup, definitely dead. Hermione's sounding like Ron's mom. Number 5 sign that I'm dead.::_

Draco and Harry blushed at her statement as they attempted to de-entangle themselves from one another. Ron gaped at them open, doing a very good replica of Draco's gold fish impression. "You...Malfoy...making out...good night?!" _::Tehehe he looks funny. The Weasel man is dying!! Wait, that's a bad thing isn't it. Well if he suffocates Hermione can give him mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.::_

"You know Weasel Man, if you keep doing that you're going to die from lack of oxygen," commented Draco as he managed to slide out from under Harry and stand up, brushing off any dust that might have settled on his robes. _::He read my mind!! That is so cool, I wish I could do that...wait. I can. Never mind then.::_

Ron sputtered angrily. "I am NOT a Weasel Man you ferret!" _::He may be a ferret...but he's a hot, sexy, adorable ferret.::_

"I beg to differ. And I am not a ferret. I am a sex god. Get it right." _::Oooh cat fight!!::_

"Yeah right you're a sex god. And I'm the king of England." _::But he IS a sex god!::_

"Ah, but I am a sex god. Ask Harry." _::Hey don't pull me in to this!::_

"Hey! Don't pull me in to this!"

"Harry. Please say that he's an ugly ferret and you have absolutely no idea why he thinks you would know if he was a sex god or not." _::Tehe.::_

"Ok, he's an ugly ferret and I have absolutely no idea why he thinks I would know if he's a sex god or not. I didn't spend half the night confessing my love for him after drooling over him while dressing like a girl and then spent the OTHER half of the night having crazy mind-blowing sex with him and called him a sex god this morning." _::Shouldn't have pulled me in to this conversation.::_

"GAH! BAD THOUGHTS!!!" screamed Ron as he clamped his hands to his head while Hermione giggled next to him.

Harry and Draco snickered, then locked arms. "Well, sorry to disappoint you Weasel Man, but the kinky sex kitten is no longer yours to hide away. He belongs to me, the sex god of Hogwarts. Muhahahahahahaha," cackled Draco as he pulled a still snickering Harry away.

Ron sputtered again. "I wasn't...we weren't...ew. That's just gross man."

Draco snorted. "Leave it to an un-sophisticated plebian like yourself to take a perfectly harmless comment like that and turn it into something perverted."

"But...it was perverted in the first place!!" shouted Ron, red faced. _::He does have a point there.::_

"Oh, it was? I think that that was just you being your usual pervy self, Weasel Man. Now if you'll excuse us, the kinky sex kitten and myself have to be leaving now to get some nurturing food also known as cake before we head back to my room to have more mind-blowing sex. We'll see you around," stated Draco as he pulled Harry away from his friends again.

After they were out of earshot Harry looked over at Draco again. "How come Hermione was so calm?"

"Because she apparently was one of the people involved in getting us together last night. She's a sneaky little lady."

"Oh. Gotcha."

Suddenly the two lovers saw a very interesting sight. It seemed that Oliver Wood had come back for a little...visit to Hogwarts, and had met up with the other guest at the school, Amadea.

Harry cleared his throat loudly, making the two kissing lovers jump apart, blushing. "Hey Oliver. Didn't know you were stopping by," he commented nonchalantly. _::Buuuusssttteeeeddd::_

Oliver blushed. "Heya Harry. Long time no see. Yeah, I came in last night kind of late. I saw this little lady," he gestured toward the blushing Italian, "and her friend give their little performance though. Very amusing, it's too bad we never actually used the Polyjuice Potion that we made in OUR seventh year class..." _::ok, one word: Huh?::_

"Huh?"

Oliver raised his eyebrow. "Didn't you know? Amadea and Topaz were the ones who took the Polyjuice Potion and turned into you and that blond guy. _::Oh.::_

"Oh. No, I didn't know."

Draco growled behind him, making Oliver and Harry jump. "This 'blond guy' has a name you know!"

Oliver smiled sheepishly. "Hehe...sorry Malfoy, didn't see you there. So Harry, is it true? Are you and blondie getting it on now or what?"

Draco blushed and Harry smirked. "Yup. It's true."

"Daaammmnnn. Didn't know you swung that way, Harry. Too bad you're not my type. I'm bi myself, so we could have had something going on a few years back. Oh well. I still got this babe," Oliver stated as he wrapped his arm around the pouting Amadea.

Draco rolled his eyes. "Hey do you guys know where my cousin is? She and I need to have a little talk..."

"She's in the Great Hall stuffing her face. I wasn't supposed to tell you that though, so please don't kill her," spoke up Amadea.

"Oh don't worry. I already knew that it was her anyway. Oh, by the way. You give good lapdances. Have you ever considered being a professional?" asked Draco innocently.

Draco and Harry ran the rest of the way to the Great Hall dodging curses from a very pissed off Italian.

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A/n: I know this chapter was kind of random, but it's really just a filler chapter. The real good stuff will come up in the last chapter. And yes, there will only be 2 more chapters in this fic. However, I'm hoping to put up a sequel that probably won't be ANYTHING like this fic, so please tell me what you think about this idea when you REVIEW. Wink wink nudge nudge. Hope you enjoyed this random little chapter and pretty please review so I feel special and loved!


	9. The Wild Snape and Lucius Attack!

Disclaimer: ::sneaking out of a building hold the copyright document thingy for Harry Potter::

Cops: There she is! GET HER!

Ddc: AAHHH!! ::Runs away with cops chasing her::

10 minutes later

Ddc: ::handcuffed and being put into a cop car:: I tried, I really did! But I still don't own Harry Potter. Hey, watch it buddy! Oww my head.

A/n: Wel guys, because this chapter is already hella long, I'm gonna make this note as brief as possible. Sorry for the delay of this chapter, thank my friend Kit for making me update again as soon as I did, there are only 2 chapters left, please review, and now for the reviewer responses.

D&G: Tehehe can I really post Harry Potter fics on mediaminer? I thought it was just anime. Hmm. !!! Omg I know!! But me and Kit decided that that note he sent Harry was really a love note in disguise as a hate note. Harry just had to get rid of the glamour charm on it and he could read about Cutie confessing his undying love to him. Tehehe.

Kit: Oh well, I didn't do that in this chapter. Remind me to do it in the next one, ok? And with the making out part too. Tehe.

Jade: As surprising as this may sound, I don't smoke anything when I write these chapters. Never have actually. All I do is eat sugar. Tehe. It's the same as getting high for me, ask my friends. I go crazy when I eat sugar. Woops, sorry I didn't mean for you to have a near-death experience from laughing, but at least you thought it was funny, which makes me happy. Hope you like this chapter too!

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_::bla bla bla:: _thoughts

**:::bla bla bla:::** song lyrics

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**:::Hold me:::**

**:::Whatever lies beyond this morning:::**

**:::Is a little later on:::**

**:::Regardless of warnings the future doesn't scare me at all:::**

**:::Nothing's like before:::**

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Draco dodged a ray of yellow light aimed at his...lower regions while running at full speed towards the Great Hall, Harry beside him. _::Holy salsa dancing sausages, is she brutal! She isn't a Death Eater, is she? Cus if she is then I'm royally screwed.::_

"Why the hell did you have to provoke her, Blondie?!" shrieked Harry. _::Tehe. He sounds so cute when he's scared silly. Probably why Voldie goes after him so many times, he gets to hear him shriek. I knew that underneath that sadistic, megalomaniac act he was really a gay pansy who loved kittens, flowers, and little boys! Maybe he was a priest in a past life...I'll ask Dad next time I see him.::_

"Because it was fun!" _::And that, my friend, is the truth::_

"You're a masochist and a sadist all in one, Draco Worth Malfoy!" _::Hehe I'm just special like that...Hey! My middle name isn't Worth!!! I mean, who would have a middle name as dorky as Worth? Some loser hobo guitarist?:: _(a/n: I apologize if your first, middle, last, or maiden name is Worth. I'm bashing a little...enemy of mine at the moment, and this is only meant to insult them.)

Draco quickly ducked his head to avoid another curse, this one blue colored, that was flying directly towards his head. "You know you love me for it. And just for future reference my middle name is Edward, not Worth." _::Ha! Beat that cutie boy!::_

"I don't care if your name is Edward or not, you're acting like a Draco Worth Malfoy right now!! Muhahahahahahaha!" _::Ouch. That one hurt. Hmm...Harry would make a good villain or Voldie knock off. He's got that whole evil laughter thing down. All he needs is the sky to darken behind him and lightening to flash dramatically, always to the right side of his face and he'd be perfect.::_

"You know Harry, you should think about being the next Dark Lord. Your evil laughter is pretty damn good, except mine's better. But that's to be expected, because you see I'm the almighty Prince of Darkness, so you shouldn't feel too bad about coming up second when it comes to evil laughter." _::Because it's illegal to be better than royalty. Tehe.::_

"Nuh uh!!! My evil laughter is so much better than anything YOU could dish out, Blondie!" _::Oooh, is that a challenge? I love challenges!!!::_

Draco looked over at his lover, eyebrows raised as the doors to the Great Hall appeared in both of their sights. "Really now. Because I'm pretty sure that mine is 50 times better than the one you just pulled!"

"I wasn't trying on that one!!! Besides, I'm perfect, and perfect people have perfect evil laughs."

"Oh yeah?!"

"Yeah!"

"Well...yeah!"

"Yeah!"

"Ok enlighten me Oh Perfect One. Why is your evil laugh better than mine?"

"Because it's the most evil and sinister evil laughter ever known to mankind! Muhahahahaha!"

"Oh yeah? Well...mine's darker! And everyone knows that whoever has the darkest evil laugh has the better evil laugh!

"Oh yeah?!"

"Yeah!"

"Yeah!"

"Yeah!"

Harry paused, then jumped to the right to avoid being hit by a blast of white light, and then sighed. "Fine. How about this. We'll both do our evil laughs then decide from there who's is better."

"Ok. Prepare to lose again Loser Boy!" _::Yay! I get to win again!::_

"Those were your last words Blondie! Muhahahahahahaha!!"

"Weakling!! Muhahahahahahaha!!"

"Muhahahahahahaha!!"

"Muhahahahahahaha!!"

At that moment the two boys burst through the giant oak doors, still cackling like combinations of Darth Vader and Cruella Devil, when they collided with a dark, foreboding figure who just happened to be standing right in front of the doors, causing the two of them to fall crashing to the floor, and the creepy and scary person to fall on top of them.

"Owwww my head!" groaned Draco. _::Whhhaaaaa I have a boo boo!! Hawwy? Will you kiss me and make the big bad bump on my head feel all better?::_

"Oh do stop complaining and take it like a man, Mr. Malfoy!" came a strangely familiar voice on top of him. _::Hmmm...I've heard that voice before. Oh! It must be Harry, cus he's putting his hands down my pants!::_

"Mmmm Harry! Couldn't you have waited until after breakfast for some of that? You greedy, greedy boy," murmured Draco.

"Huh?" came Harry's voice to his right.

Draco's eyes widened and he turned his head over to see Harry grinning next to him. "Hey Draco, what are you talking about? You hit your head too hard or something?"

The blond gulped. "If you're Harry...then who's trying to put their hands down my pants?!" _::Wait...there has to be a logical answer to this. Ah ha! Harry's got a twin!! Woohoo!!! I'm in pervy little Draco heaven! Except, he sounds a little bit like Snape. Wonder why. Ah, the universe works in mysterious ways.::_

Draco looked up then and found himself face to face with none other than the said, or rather though, professor. _::AH!!! HE LOOKS JUST LIKE SNAPE TOO!!!! Wait...maybe that's cus that's not Harry's twin, that's Snape. Awww...no hot threesomes with me and two Harry's. Cue cute pouting on my part. Wait...EEK!!!!! SNAPE'S MOLESTING ME!!!! GET HIM OFF!!! GET HIM OFF!!!!::_

"Stop squirming Mr. Malfoy, and you might actually enjoy yourself," snickered Snape as he continued pushing his hands into Draco's pants. _::AAAHHH!!!! I'M BEING VIOLATED!!! I'M BEING VIOLATED!!!!::_

"GET OFF ME!!!"

"Now, now, Draco. It's not polite to shout at your professors," came another eerily familiar voice from in front of them. _::Oh crap::_

Draco timidly peered around Snape's shoulder to see none other than his father, Lucius Worth Malfoy (unlike him, Worth was his real nickname) stand there smirking down at them wearing a short, black leather dress that went to his knees with matching knee high leather boots. _::Oh my god!! IS EVERYONE HERE GAY?!?!?::_

"OH MY GOD!!! IS EVERYONE HERE GAY?!?!?!?!" screamed Draco as he kneed Snape in the groin and then pushed him off of him. _::This is a nightmare...this is a nightmare...ok Draco. Calm down...think of Harry running around naked in a field of flowers chasing butterflies...Harry running around naked in a field of flowers chasing butterflies...ahh...happy place.::_

"Well, as a matter of fact I'm bi, and Snape is under a curse to have wild, probably hazardous sex with anyone he touches, so no everyone is not gay, but the majority is. Because that's just how the world works son. Now why don't you give the kind professor what he wants, and everyone else a free show," said Lucius grinning.

Harry and Draco looked from Lucius, to Snape, and then to each other. Eyes locked, they screamed as loud as they could, but then Snape jumps on top of them again, but still only tries to get into Draco's pants. _::WHY DO I HAVE TO BE SO GOSH DARN HOT?!?!?!? WHY?!?!!::_

By now Topaz had left the Head Table and was standing about five feet away from Lucius, Amadea by her side, and the two friends started laughing hysterically.

"Serves you right for asking me if I was a professional whore!" called Amadea gleefully.

"This is better than MTV!" shrieked Topaz excitedly while jumping up and down, clapping her hands.

Hermione and Ron, who were standing by the doors gaping at the scene before them, looked up. "MTV?" asked Hermione thoughtfully.

Lucius looked over at the two girls, leering slightly. "Why hello there ladies. What are two good looking girls like you doing in a," he paused dramatically, "place like this?"

Topaz glared at him. "I happen to be a teacher here Grandpa, now why don't you do something productive and LEAVE?"

The elderly blond just smirked more and walked over to the glaring girl. "How about I do something even more productive, and take you two fine toys up to some special rooms I found when I was at school here? They have everything a man...or dream of," he said while snaking his arms around Topaz's waist, pulling her close to him.

"AAAHHH!!!! GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME YOU PERVERTED OLD GOAT!!!!" she shrieked as she jabbed her elbow into Lucius' neck, causing him to gasp desperately for air, giving her time to bravely run behind Amadea and cower in fear.

Amadea rolled her eyes. "Some brave hero YOU are!"

Topaz grinned sheepishly. "Hehe I can't help it. It's in my blood."

Lucius, having now gained possession of his respiratory system once again, approached the two bickering girls. "Ah, so you two like it rough eh? I can do that..."

The two girls stopped their arguing, took one look at the approaching man, and screamed "AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" while running in the opposite direction. Unfortunately, they neglected to see the human dog pile consisting of Snape molesting Draco and Harry (thought mostly Draco) and tripped over them. Taking advantage of their seemingly defenseless positions on the ground, Lucius dives head first over Snape and the two boys, aiming straight for Topaz and Amadea.

Meanwhile, in the human dog pile, Snape has succeeded in having one hand stuffed down Draco's pants, and is using the other one to get into Harry's. "Are you enjoying this as much as I am, boys?" he taunting, grinning crazily.

At the sight of Snape's long fingers reaching down the waistline of Harry's grey pants, something in Ron's mind snapped. "RRRRRRAAAAWWWWWRRRR!!!! DIE YOU PERVERTED SLIME BALL!!!!!" he screamed as he used superhuman strength to pull the Potions' Master off of the two boys, somehow get his wand out of his robe, point it at Snape, and scream "AVADA KEDAVRA!"

The body of the man fell soundlessly to the ground, and before the two slightly squished boys could get up and thank the red head, Ron growled, pulled Draco off the ground by his shirt, thrust the tip of his wand at the blond's throat, and scream again "AVADA KEDAVRA!!!"

While this was happening girly shrieks were heard as Lucius was thrown up and down in the air by Topaz and Amadea, who had actually paid attention during their 7th grade self defense class. The moment that Draco's body hit the floor again and Harry's heartbroken cry of "Noooooooooooo!!!" reached their ears, though, they quickly threw the man into a wall, where upon impact he created a nice Lucius imprint.

Ron looked at his best friend, who was clutching the cold, lifeless hand of his lover, and started cackling, "YOU ARE MINE HARRY!!!! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"

Harry stared at him wide eyed, unshed tears evident in his emerald green eyes. "Woah. I think you win the contest of who has the evilest laugh..."

"ALL THESE YEARS I'VE WANTED YOU, BUT YOU NEVER WANTED ME!! BUT NOW YOU HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO ACCEPT ME AS YOUR LOVER FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH!!!"

Hysterical laughter was heard in the background, causing Ron and Harry to look over at Topaz and Amadea, who were now clutching their sides and rolling on the floor, literally laughing their asses off.

"Oh my god!!! You should see the look on your face Harry!!!" shrieked Topaz.

"It's hilarious!!!!!" agreed Amadea, laughing so hard she was purple in the face.

"Um...remind me again why this is funny? The love of my life is lying here dead! And so is my molester, but that's a good thing," said Harry.

"Tehehe no, the love of your life AND your molester are under the Head Table. Those are dummies that I put in their place," replied Topaz while pointing towards the table. Sure enough, there was Snape trying to tug off Draco's pants.

"But...how?!" yelled Ron.

"I'm very fast," said Topaz grinning evilly.

Harry ran dramatically over to the table, grabbed one of Draco's flailing hands, pulled the poor, traumatized blond out of the clutches of the evil Professor Snape, and hugged him close to his chest. "I thought I'd lost you..."

"I thought I'd lost my dignity!!!" sobbed Draco into his chest.

With that said, Harry scooped Draco up into his arms bridal style, and ran out of the Great Hall.

Just as he passed them Topaz managed to stop laughing long enough to shout out "Hey you two!! Don't forget you have DADA with me, Amadea, and Kanno after lunch! YOU'D BETTER BE THERE OR ELSE I'LL HUNT YOU DOWN AND DRAG YOU TO THE CLASS MYSELF!!!

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After several hours of doing things that are best not mentioned at this moment, Draco and Harry sauntered into the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom both with happy, satiated grins on their faces. Topaz and Amadea, who were sitting on top of the teacher's desk, took one look at their expressions and started snickering, while Kanno just smiled kindly at them, even though they were 15 minutes late to his class and had interrupted his lecture on the dangers of demonic souls possessing an unborn fetus' body.

The Japanese man cleared his throat and continued on with his lecture. "And as I was saying, the moment the soul of a demon possesses the body of the fetus, a battle between the two souls erupts inside of it, which usually means the ejection of the child's soul from it's body, and in most cases the destruction of the body, resulting in what would appear to be an unlucky miscarriage. However, there are some extremely rare cases when the two souls, instead of fighting one another, form a type of bond, connecting the two souls into one. In these rare situations, the child is born looking like an average baby, but has the intelligence, strength, and powers of a many hundred year old demon. However, these cases are extremely rare, and only three have been recorded in the last century."

Hermione raised her hand, catching the man's attention. "Yes, Ms. Granger?"

"Professor, what exactly are some of the powers of these people possessed by demons?"

"Ah, you have made a very common mistake, Ms. Granger. You see, a man or woman whos esoul formed a bond with a demon soul is not possessed by the demon, nor is he or she a half breed. They are simply referred to as Demon Children. Not to be confused with retched little brats who like to make everyone's lives a living hell, mind you. But to return to your question, the powers possessed by the Demon Children vary greatly. One could have little to no powers whatsoever, if they have joined with a weak demon, or one could be strong enough to blow up our planet five times in a row without break a sweat."

Meanwhile, in the back of the class, Draco was smirking as he looked at Harry in the corner of his eye. _::Tehe. Evil plan forming!!!!!::_

Leaning over slightly, the blond whispered huskily into his ear, "Enjoying the lecture, love?"

The other boy shivered as he felt the hot breath of the Slytherin fly around his ear and his lips just barely brush the shell and lobe. "Yes, it's quite...fascinating."

Draco grinned. "How about I make it fantastic?" _::Tehe.::_

Harry looked over at him, his eyebrow raised in a way that could have only been picked up from spending too much time with a certain blond. "And how do you propose to do that?"

In the background the sound of Amadea's voice was saying how a few years back she had had the pleasure of participating in a fighting duel with a very powerful Demon Child, and regardless of the fact that she was one of the best martial artists in the world, she still was laid flat within two minutes, and the Child hadn't even used any demonic powers. Of course, Harry and Draco weren't listening to this. "Oh, I don't know. How about I do...this?" whispered Draco seductively as he began to slowly kiss the other boy on the mouth, while equally slowly snaking his hand up Harry's shirt to stroke his well muscled stomach and chest.

A moment later a ruler was snapped down on their desk, startling them apart. Draco frowned and looked up to see who had been rude enough to interrupt them, only to find Topaz glaring fire arrows at him with her eyes. "May we help you, cousin?" he drawled nonchalantly as he leaned back in his chair and put his feet on the desk. Harry, beside him, was blushing like a school girl caught in the act, which he was, except minus the school part.

"I'm sorry DRACO, was our lecture BORING you?" growled Topaz.

"No, but it was a little monotone. I just decided to spice it up a little for me and my boyfriend."

"Well so sorry for being monotone, Draco, but I'd suggest you listen to this lecture. You might actually learn how to defend yourself against some of the most powerful creatures known to mankind!" yelled the girl.

"Oh don't give me that crap Topaz! You're such a hypocrite! You go around, preaching to me about how I need to learn to defend myself against dark creatures when you yourself are WORKING WITH ONE!!!" shouted Draco back, now standing on his feet.

The class gasped, Amadea and Kanno groaned, Topaz sputtered, and Hermione snapped her fingers muttering, "I knew it!"

"How...how did you know that?!" whispered Topaz.

Draco snorted. "It's not like it's very hard to figure it out. He sneaks around as much as Snape. I even know what he is. What? You thought that your little lecture on vampires would be overlooked by everyone? Do you think we're all idiots? Surely you must have known that SOMEONE would realize that Kanno fits all the characteristics of a vampire, except for the fact that he can walk around in sunlight."

Hermione spoke up then. "I know why he can walk in sunlight. The idea that vampires can only exist at night is an urban legend. True, most vampires prefer to walk at night, but this is only because of their heightened sight. Because their sight is about 25 times better than our own, sunlight has the tendency to harm their vision. Also, most vampires have very sensitive skin, so being out in the sun can be very uncomfortable. There were cases of very weak vampires going out into the sun and bursting into flame, because they weren't strong enough to keep the sun from burning them. The stronger or older a vampire is, the less affected they are be the sun. And that whole stake through the heart thing and the cross, that was just some religious fanatic talking."

Kanno clapped his hands. "Good, good Ms. Granger! You are absolutely right! Ok, I believe that was enough excitement for one day. Class dismissed."

As they left the class Harry gaped at his boyfriend. "How did you know?"

"I'm just a smart guy," replied Draco smirking.

"That you are, Draco. Which is why I think you and Mr. Potter should go and meet me in the Slytherin Common Room in 15 minutes, so that you can find out all the answers to your questions," came an evil voice from around the corner.

Eyes widened, the two boys screamed like little girls (again) and ran for their lives in the opposite direction the moment the grinning head of Lucius poked itself around the corner.

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A/n: Gaaaahhh this took me so long to do. 3216 words without the disclaimer, author's note, and review responses!!! And how do I know this? Because the damn Word lost this chapter halfway through it and I had to start ALL OVER AGAIN!!! ::sobbing:: It was horrible. 1000 words done, and it was all erased. Just like that! Tehe ok enough of me being a drama queen. Pretty please review, there's only one more chapter left!!


	10. Life's Not That Simple

Disclaimer: I honestly don't own Harry Potter your Honor

Judge: Good. We know that. What we don't know is why you tried to get away with stealing the contract for the characters and story plot.

Ddc: Because I want to own Harry Potter. Duh.

Judge: But you don't. Do you understand that stealing is wrong young lady?

Ddc: No...

Judge: WELL IT IS!!!!

Ddc: Awwwwwwwwwwwww

Judge: -.-;;;; Jury, I think we can let this one go. She won't do it again in the future.

1 week later

Ddc: Muhahahahahahaha ::sneaking off into distance with contract::

A/n: Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, but mostly importantly readers and reviewers, I, your humble authoress, would like to make a little speech. We've gone through so much together in these past 3 and a half months, watching and experiencing with our own eyes the horrors of Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter's most inner thoughts and how they really aren't as diabolical and sane as we thought. We watched as they somehow grew to love each other in a completely non-realistic and almost non-existent story plot. But most important of all, we have cried tears of laughter and killed our internal organs reading about the crazy happenings of this little fic called Simple and Clean. At least, that's what I hope. Well, all good things (or bad things) must come to an end. Friends, Romans, Italians, Americans, Britishans, Asians, Africans, whatever race you may be, countrymen, I give you the reviewer responses.

And then of course the song lyrics to Simple and Clean.

And then MAYBE the last chapter of this little fic, but only if you're good!

Kit: Don't we all love the thought of Lucius in a dress? Ok maybe not the IMAGE of him in a dress, that's just disturbing, but the idea of him wearing a dress is hella funny. Tehehe. BURN SEAN AND BRIT! BURN!!! ::cackling:: I need to ask my dad if he put rum in the tea ring cake...

D&G: Oooo awesome!!!! I kinda skimmed over the big text too, so no worries there tehehe. Hehe doesn't that theory work? I think it does. :D

Br Lr: Lol no worries there Bea, I still love you in a non-lesbian way. :D Ugh math hw. It sucks motza balls, it really does. Lol now now you two, no attacking each other, it's not good for you.

Harrypotter, move over: Tehehe I'm glad you think it's hilarious. I try, I really do. Hope you like this chapter too!

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_::bla bla bla:: _thoughts

**:::Bla bla bla::: **beginning song lyrics

_bla bla bla _ending song lyrics

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**:::Hold me:::**

**:::Whatever lies beyond this morning:::**

**:::Is a little later on:::**

**:::Regardless of warnings the future doesn't scare me at all:::**

**:::Nothing's like before:::**

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After running through the crowded halls of Hogwarts for a good 10 minutes, causing the entire student body to look at the two clinically insane yet hopelessly in love boys, Draco and Harry finally stopped their flight, after running smack dab into a wall. Leaning back against the floor beneath him, Harry managed to gasp out between unsteady breaths "Remind...me...to...never...EVER...go...to...your...house..." _::It be a scary scary place over there! Sccaaarrrryyyy.::_

"Remind...me...to...never...go...to...MY...house...again" gasped Draco in return, panting as he leaned against the wall behind him. _::Hehe and I thought I sounded like a fish out of water right now.::_

Harry giggled. "You sound like a fish out of water Blondie." _::And the world's speediest recovery of breath after running around a giant castle screaming like a little girl award goes to...drum roll...Harry Potter!! YAY!!!::_

"How'd you regain your breath so fast?" _::Hehe that's for me to know and you to never find out. Cus you're just not special like that::_

"That's for me to know and you to never find out. Cause you're just not special like that." _::Speakest thou thoughtests againest Harryest! Hehe. Ok enough being weird. Time to get pervy. Weee!!!::_

"Awww...but I WANNA be special!" Draco whined, pouting. _::Awww...kawaii!!! Ok how come I'm randomly spouting Japanese words? And how do I know Japanese? Oh well. Guess that comes with the whole "Savior of the Wizarding World" deal. You get crazy stalkers, Dark Lords trying to kill you every year, and you learn Japanese. I'll never understand how this world works.::_

"Oh don't worry Blondie, you're special. Just not special like THAT. Key word being that."

Draco sniffed. "You really mean that?"

Harry nodded. "You betcha cutie!"

The blond giggled. "No YOU'RE the cutie!"

Harry giggled along with the other boy as he plopped himself down onto the Slytherin's lap. "No, you are!"

Draco rubbed his nose against Harry's in a nice fluffy Eskimo kiss. "No, YOU are!"

"You are!"

"You are!"

"You are!"

Draco smirked. "Oh alright. I'm the cutie. But you're the kinky sex kitten who's about to start moaning again." _::Oro? Again with the Japanese! This part of the hero deal is really awesome, I should try it more often.::_

"Oro? I mean huh?"

The blond smirked as he slipped his hands underneath the other boy's shirt, causing him to gasp in surprise. "You know what I mean."

"Mmm...no I don't..."

"Mmm yes you do Harry," Draco purred as he leaned in closer to Harry, whose emerald green eyes were half closed with pleasure.

"Mmm ok maybe I know a little bit...ah!" Harry yelped as the blond lightly bit down onto his pulse point.

"Now do you know what I mean?" asked Draco as he licked the bruising wound.

"Mmmm shut up and kiss me you tease!" replied Harry as he grabbed the blond locks in front of his eyes and pulled the Slytherin up into a passionate kiss.

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Thirty minutes later, Draco and Harry walked into the Great Hall hand in hand, big goofy grins practically plastered to their happy, sated faces. _::Ah today is a good day. The birds are singing, Hermione and Ron aren't at the Gryffindor Table, Snape's flying through the air, Draco just gave me one of the best blow jobs in the world. Ah yes. Nothing beats today. Wait a minute...::_

"AAHH!!!" shrieked Harry ducking as the said Potions Master flew through the air almost crashing right into him. _::Note to self: never daydream about how good a day is when there are wild Snape's flying rampant in the Great Hall. I will get hit and suffer brain damage. Which would NOT be a good thing.::_

Of course by now Draco was hiding behind Harry, quivering in fear as Snape picked himself off the ground, and started running towards the two boys. "Meeepppp I'm too young to be violated, I'm too young to be violated," whimpered the traumatized boy as the greasy monster came ever closer.

But it was only when the Potions Master reached out a pale, dirty hand towards them that the two boys hugged each other in fear and screamed like little girls. Again. Harry squeezed his eyes shut and buried his face into Draco's neck. "Well, it was nice loving you Blondie." _::Whhhaaaaaaaaaaa::_

Draco's grip around Harry's waist tightened while he closed his eyes as well and replied, "Likewise lovely." _::Insert terrified and sad sniffing here!::_

But the traumatizing molestation a la Snape never came.

After a minute of clinging onto each other, Harry lifted his head and warily opened his eyes to find that Snape was not in fact crouching on one of the tables ready to pounce on them, but was actually in the process of yanking off Oliver's shirt from his lean body. The raven-haired boy laughed. "Drakie!!! We're alive! And untouched!!" _::Happy dance time!!! Weeee! Everybody now! Do the happy dance!::_

The blond opened his big silver eyes and blinked owlishly. "Huh?"

Harry jumped up and down with his hands on the other boy's shoulders. "Look!! Look!! He got bored with us so he decided to molest Oliver!!" _::MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!::_

Draco's eyes got wide. "Oh my god. Harry DUCK!!!!"

Harry blinked. "Duck? Where?! I LOVE DUCKS!!! Come here ducky ducky!" _::Weee!! On top of not getting molested by Snape, I get to see duckys! Happy times, happy times.::_

"I hate to say this love, but you're a bloody idiot. DUCK!!!!" shrieked Draco as he tackled Harry to the ground as Snape flew over their heads again to land with a sicken thud.

"Oh THAT kind of duck. I get it now."

Draco jumped up. "AMADEA!!!! STOP MAKING SNAPE FLY THROUGH THE AIR!! IT'S A VERY TRAUMATIZING EXPERIENCE FOR US!!"

Oliver got up and pulled his open button up shirt closed around his chest. "You try getting jumped by him!! That's MUCH more traumatizing. I mean, have you felt his HAIR?! I mean, just ewwww factor there."

"I WAS JUMPED BY HIM!!!!!!!" screamed a very banshee-like Draco. _::Eek he's scary when he's like this. I mean, his hair is practically standing straight up! I wonder if he's part cat...ooo that'd be awesome!! He could have a tail and fluffy ears and everything!!!::_

"Blondie, Draco, whatever your name is, I know you had a very traumatizing experience, but could you please NOT ruin my eardrums with your horrendous racket!!!" yelled Amadea back. The Italian knelt down by her Scottish boyfriend. "Are you very hurt darling?" _::No, but his shirt is. Maybe you should be talking to the shirt.::_

"Yes, I'm terribly hurt. Maybe a good game of bed rolling, kisses, and a massage afterwards would help me?" whimpered Oliver. _::Oh please, like she's going to fall for THAT.::_

"Of course Ollie my love, anything you want," simpered Amadea as she pulled him from the ground and had him lean on her as they walked from the hall. _::Oh my god she fell for it. That's sad.::_

Oliver winked at Harry just before the giant doors to the Great Hall closed. Harry began to pout. "That's just not fair."

"Hmm?" asked Draco as he sat down at the nearest seat, not caring that it was at the Hufflepuff table, and began pouring the jar of raspberry jam onto a poor, defenseless piece of toast.

"How come you never believe me when I say I'm seriously injured and in need of some bed therapy or else I'm going to be scarred for life?"

"Because for one thing, you've never tried that on me. Second, you haven't been seriously injured since we started going out. And third, I was the one who was almost raped by Snape, not you."

"Did you know that you just rhymed?"

"Huh?"

"Snape and raped. They rhyme!" giggled Harry as he sat down next to the blond.

"They don't rhyme! Jeez Harry, remind me to slap you then shag you silly if you ever say you want to be a poet." _::Oooo and the evilness of my mind begins to plot.::_

"Ok. I want to be a poet."

Draco fell off his seat. _::Tehe.::_

Harry looked around at the Gryffindor Table. "Hey how come Hermione and Ron aren't here?"

Draco pulled himself up onto his seat again, grumbling and rubbing the back of his head. "Ow that hurt. I don't know, probably molesting each other again. Either that or plotting some diabolical plan to kidnap us and keep us from shagging each other senseless at ever chance." _::Nooooooooo!!! Betrayed by my own friends!!! Insert sniff here. So sad.::_

Suddenly the doors to the Great Hall swung open dramatically, and in stumbled Ron, dressed in an expensive-looking tuxedo, and Hermione, dressed in a beautiful white gown. _::AAAHHH!!!!!! They're coming to get meeee!!!!::_

The Gryffindor buried his head into Draco's neck again. "Whhhaa Draco!!! Don't let them take me awwwaaayyy!!!!"

Draco snickered. "I don't think they're going to. They're too busy trying to figure out how to tell you that they're married."

Harry looked up. "Huh?"

Hermione and Ron walked over to the two lovers, looking very sheepish. "He...he...hey Harry," stuttered Ron.

"Um hi Ron, what's up? And how come you're dressed up like a circus penguin?" asked Harry, arms still wrapped around Draco's neck.

"Well...um...you see...we kinda...um..."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "We just got back from Hogsmeade Harry. You see after DADA class, we stole your invisibility cloak,"

"I KNEW you had one of those!!!" cried out Draco.

"Shh!!!" hissed Harry.

"Snuck down into the village using the secret passageway to Honeyduck's cellar,"

"So THAT'S how you got into the village third year!"

"Draco! Shh!"

"Went to the nearest church,"

"Wait aren't we pagans? Why would there be a church in a wizarding town?"

"Draco I'm going to kiss you so bad you won't be able to talk for a week if you don't be quiet!"

"Ooooo ok. Seriously, why is there a church in Hog...mmph!!!" was all Draco could say before Harry launched himself at him.

"And we got married. So basically we just made the biggest choice of our lives in about ten minutes and got married without our parents' permission and without telling anyone," stated Hermione, completing her story.

"Mmmm that's nice Hermione," said Harry mid-kiss.

"You...you mean you aren't mad at us for not telling you that we were going to run off and get married after DADA class?" asked Ron uneasily.

"Mmm nope. Mmm yummy raspberry flavored Draco," mumbled Harry in response.

"Oh this is so wonderful! Harry thank you so much for understanding! You know your opinion matters more to us than our own parents', even though that really doesn't make any sense, seeing as they could easily disown us for choosing to get married at the young ages of 17 and 18 and then we'd have to live out on the streets, and that just wouldn't be fun," said Hermione happily.

Behind the two newly weds came the sound of a throat being cleared. Turning around, Ron and Hermione found themselves face to face with none other than Dumbledore. "Miss Granger, Mr. Weasley, am I to assume that the two of you have broken about 5 school rules by running off after your Defense Against the Dark Arts class to leave school boundaries to get married at the tender ages of 17 and 18?" stated Dumbledore with a stern look on his face.

"Ye...yes sir," stuttered Ron.

"Oh good. Congratulations you two, I was wondering when you were going to elope and get married in the church down at Hogsmeade that really shouldn't be there seeing as we're pagans and Christians really don't like us all that much. Now, listen closely because this is very important. A private suite has been prepared for you on the third floor, look for a painting of Marilyn Monroe in a black dress. The password is 'bunny slippers'."

"There's a painting of Marilyn Monroe in Hogwarts?! Bunny slippers?"

"Who's Marilyn Monroe?" asked Ron innocently.

Dumbledore chuckled, eyes twinkling brighter than those 25-foot tall Christmas trees in New York City. "Now now children. Don't ask so many questions, they aren't good for you. Now off you go, have fun playing in your new quarters!"

"Thank you sir!" cried Ron as he pulled a giggling Hermione out of the hall.

The old man then turned his attention to Draco and Harry, who were still quite literally attached at the mouth. Only now Harry had somehow managed to land himself on top of Draco's lap again, and the blond was working at undoing the buttons on his sweater, not realizing that there were no buttons to be undone. Dumbledore sighed. "Ah young love. There's nothing in this world of ours that is as beautiful as it. Including a room full of every sweet ever invented, and that's saying a lot coming from me."

Suddenly the Great Hall doors burst open yet again, this time revealing a distraught Kanno who walked at top speed over to Dumbledore. The noise of the doors opening startled the two making out boys apart, who then decided to amuse themselves by watching the Japanese man speak his native tongue as fast as a speeding bullet and/or Superman, give or take one or the other, to Dumbledore. He even waved his arms around to emphasis whatever point he was trying to make. Once the vampire stopped talking, Dumbledore sighed again, only this time in sadness. "Oh dear. Mr. Malfoy, Mr. Potter, will you please accompany Professor Kanno and myself up to my office? There is something that the two of you need to know."

"Um...ok then," replied Harry as he pulled himself off of Draco's lap and stood up. They then left the hall behind Dumbledore and Kanno hand in hand. Little did they know that their simple lives were about to become much more complicated.

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Once the party had entered the chaotic room known as Dumbledore's office and were comfortably seated, Harry on Draco's lap again in a red plush chair, Dumbledore in his chair behind his desk, and Kanno in a red plush chair to the left of the other, Kanno spoke in a grave tone. "Young Masters Draco and Harry, I am afraid I have failed you."

Draco raised an eyebrow. "Say what?"

"I have failed to protect the one dearest to you when I vowed to myself that I would give my life to keep her from harm.

Harry blinked. "Umm...I'm sorry. We're not exactly following you here."

"Yeah, both of us are fine and besides, we never asked you to protect us anyway," agreed Draco.

Kanno rolled his eyes. "Not you two, you idiots. Topaz!"

"Huh?" stated Draco and Harry at the same time.

Dumbledore chose this moment to speak. "I'm afraid young Miss. Talers was taken hostage by Voldemort's forces sometime between her Defense Against the Dark Arts class and lunch today."

Draco's eyes widened. "Dad! He was sneaking around over by the classroom!" he exclaimed.

"We thought he was just trying to freak us out!" said Harry.

"It worked pretty well too..." muttered Draco.

"I still don't understand Professor. What does this have to do with us? I mean, yeah Topaz is Draco's cousin and she's a really cool girl, but why is Professor Kanno acting like we're going to kill him at any moment?"

Dumbledore shook his head sadly. "Harry, I'm afraid you do not understand how truly grave this situation is."

"Well duh, you guys aren't telling me anything!"

Dumbledore sighed. "Draco, I'm afraid Miss. Talers lied to you the first day you met her. She is not your cousin. In fact, her name is not Topaz Talers, and she is not from this time at all. She has not even been conceived yet."

"Wait...you're saying that she's from the future?!" cried out Draco.

"Yes, that is what I am saying Mr. Malfoy."

"But then why did she lie and say that she was related to me!?"

"Because she is. The reason why she does not look like a Malfoy is because she has glamour charms completely coating her being so that you nor anyone else would not see her for who she really is. It was her mission to come and help the relationship that has blossomed between you and Mr. Potter begin. It was also her mission to keep time from being altered," stated Dumbledore gravely.

"This still does not make any sense Professor. How does this relate to us?" asked Harry.

Dumbledore sighed again. "Harry, Draco. Topaz Talers is really Jinx Malfoy-Potter. She is your daughter."

XxX

When you walk away 

_You don't hear me say_

_Please oh baby, don't go_

_Simple and clean is the way that you're making me feel tonight_

_It's hard to let it go_

_You're giving me too many things_

_Lately you're all I need_

_You smiled at me and said_

_Don't get me wrong I love you_

_But does that mean I have to meet your father?_

_When we are older you'll understand_

_What I meant when I said "No,_

"_I don't think life is quite that simple"_

_When you walk away _

_You don't hear me say_

_Please oh baby, don't go_

_Simple and clean is the way that you're making me feel tonight_

_It's hard to let it go_

_The daily things_

_That keep us all busy are confusing me _

_That's when you came to me and said,_

"_Wish I could prove I love you_

"_But does that mean I have to walk on water?_

"_When we are older you'll understand_

"_It's enough when I say so_

"_And maybe some things are that simple"_

_When you walk away _

_You don't hear me say_

_Please oh baby, don't go_

_Simple and clean is the way that you're making me feel tonight_

_It's hard to let it go_

_Hold me_

_Whatever lies beyond this morning_

_Is a little later on_

_Regardless of warnings the future doesn't scare me at all_

_Nothing's like before_

_-Simple and Clean by Utada Hikaru_

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A/n: And that is the end everybody! Don't worry, this is not really the end of the story, just this one fic. There will be a sequel out as soon as I finish up the story plot of it, called A Not So Simple World (though this title may change). So if you liked this story, watch for that coming out soon. It's been fun people, it really has. I can't believe how much I loved writing this story, it may not be the best I've ever written, but I had a blast writing it. Hope you all enjoyed it as much as I did, and I hope to see everyone again with my sequel and my other fics. Until next time, DDC out.


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